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Monday, October 27, 2008

Top Ten Things and a Note to Self.

Note to Self: Self, take a sleeping aid with you next time you go camping with your family. Your family will love you all the more the next day.


How to have fun at the Mall:

1) Walk in the Halloween Bootique and scream like you've been stabbed in the neck. Fake blood and a real knife helps.
2) Walk into Regis Hairstylist Salon and yell, "Where's Kelly? (Ripa)
3) Alert the Marine Recruit Office that the all the guys at the Army Recruit
office said they were sissies.
4) Crawl into GNC on your stomach and mutter, "Steroids.....now........!!!"
5) While approaching EyeMart Express walk into the clear glass wall 5 or 6 times, give up and walk away.
6) At Christmas time, paint red splotches all over your arms and face and stand in line at Bath and Body Works with a half-empty bottle of lotion and a receipt.
7) Skip into Candy Craze and bag up 5 lbs. of candy. Tell them all you have is a new shiny penny. Walk out crying for your mommy.
8) Stroll into Riddles Jewelry and begin talking in riddles. Or dress up like the Riddler and query, "Have you got something in the shape of a bat?"
9) Go into Vanity Clothing Store and sing "You're so Vain".
10) For men only: Walk out of Snip n Clip holding your business and yell, "Those bargain vasectomies hurt like heck!!!!" Then stumble into the Army Recruit Office and tell them you're ready to join.

7 comments:

Saur♥Kraut said...

I do not know HALF those businesses but it sounds very entertaining!

Sandi McBride said...

They'll put you away. No, really. LOL..fun post, now do WalMart! Thanks for dropping in to see me and leaving the kind comment and the music info...I do love Baby James, so will certainly scout those out.
Sandi

jennifer said...

Laughed my tail off at this post. This is MY KIND OF HUMOR!!!!

Take the shiny penny that you couldn't buy candy with and throw it in the fountain... make a wish... for penny candy.

Go to the Great American Cookie Co. and tell them that the white chocolate macadamia nut cookie originated in Brazil and you are suing for false advertisement... unless they give you a free dinky doozie.

Go into Parisian's and speak French to the Sales girl at the Lancome' of Paris make up counter.

Your ideas sound more fun than holding your wife's purse :)

Have a great week.

lesliereid said...

Thanks for being funny when I need funny.

Jamie Dawn said...

I like the way you think.
Your ideas are sound minded and serious, no nonsense or stuff like nonsense.
I also find it satisfying to go into pet stores and speak the language of the pets. People always are impressed with how smart I am when I do this.

The Doozie said...

Don't you mean you're joining the sissy marines?

My favorite was #6. That would be very funny.

Notes to self are always a good idea I think. I make notes to myself all the time. such as "don't pick your nose at work, there's video survellience...or "don't pick your nose in the car because the windows are not tinted, or "don't pick your nose in church, bored people who are looking around will see you and...."don't pick your nose in the shower because the boogers are really soft and don't need to be picked, just blown out. Ok, thats all

Anne said...

"holding your business"?