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Monday, September 25, 2006

A Western Love Story....

Tess was seized with fear.

Rumors of his return were true. But this was not possible.

Through the swirling wave of dust from the departing Stagecoach she could see him.

Her mind dizzy from the mere thought of him. Dust and memories mingling in the air.

Bubba Dawg.
The meanest man ever to have lived in these parts.
The meanest man to have ever left these parts, with the promise of a return.

His voice cut through the stale brown air.

"Ya'll in better'n a geet out of thissa heeeruh oura wayyy!!!"

Her fear was deepened when she saw what he was riding.


His legs and feet dragging far behind the pony, his face clinched teethy grimaced.
A man on a mission.

"Whuts youns alla a looken attt!!!", Bubba screamed.

"Yeww aint'a neever saina man onna hers befoe?"

Tess knew better than to answer him right away. She quickly pondered what had driven him away in the first place.
(He left Oklahoma riding on a (horse named) Pontiac, just about to lose his mind )

"This is a proud man", She thought. "He probably loves that little horsey...."

"Golladarrrnedit!! Sumbudy hep me git my legs unnerme! They beena draggin hind this horsey for a lottta dangd miles.....I caint fell 'em anymur...!", Bubba bellowed.

Bubba bellowed all the time.
Now he was bellowing about his poor feet.

The outline of Tess's face and figure were not familiar to him.

"Bubba, it's's me, Tess."

"Who'nit?" grunted Bubba.

Bubba bellowed AND grunted all the time.

"It's Tess, your dirtwhacked idiot, don't you remember me?"

The dust had now settled while the Shetland sauntered to the hitchin' post.

"Golldarnnedit horsey's been sauntrin for days now!!, I dun axd him a hunnert times,"What the blazes u got to sauntr about?" He dont ansuh me wun tim!!!"

Tess strained to glimpse the man she had fallen in love with years ago. He was gone.

Only the gruff voice and dirt remained.

Bubba was (in) famous for shooting grown men for riding Shetland ponies.
Word of his misdeeds carried so far that nary a man considered riding a Shetland within a hundred miles of Bubba. So goes the legend anyway.

The whites of his eyes were matted with the dirt that laid claim to this land years ago.

"Tess, if thats a rellly ewe ther, wood you git Roy some watr?"

(A Shetland named Roy.....Someone somewehere was playing a cruel joke. The cruelest of all. Roy was also a trained Circus Shetland, but that's a story for another time)

"Sure, Bubba...but first, can I ask you a question?" Tess was using her "Soft" voice. The voice she kept in reserve for her 1st grade class.

Bubba looked straight up, stared right into the rays of the blazing noontime sun.

"How longsit beeena nightfalll? Whin smornin comin?" Bubba moaned mournfully.

"Bubba, why.......why a Shetland? What's happened to you?"

"Gollldangedit...why a Shetlan?"
"Dangedit feller down in El Passy caut me wun nite and ses he wansa traid his jackarse fer my jackarse. Strait acrosst. Eben stebens."

"Well I caint see nun too good and noticed his jackarse was shortern mine which mad it ezyer to raiz my leg, So I ses sure. Done deal. Strait acrosst. Eben stebens."

"Deal dun. Feller takes off and I falls asleep rite ther in the road. Ded nite."

"I wakes up and with this her Shetlan, who I find outs namd Roy. Now whut kinda name that fer anybudy much less a Shetlan?"

"So here I yum. Ridin' a Shetlan, bein' maid mockd in efr town jus' to git bak hum."

"I toldjee I wus comin' back didnI?" Bellowing again.

Tess's heart was breaking.

"You do have a way with words, don't you Mr. Dawg?"

"Allin I beena tellin efrbodee whod listen is I gotta git bak home to my Misses Dawg...."
"You is still Misses Dawg aintcha?"


" You had me at Who'nit" Tess whispered softly through the weathered patch of hair beneath his weathered brim.

"You had me at Who'nit".


Aunt Jo said...

Sniff...i just loooove love-stories....and Shetland ponies too.

When is the sequel coming out??

That was reeealy funny Joe.

(He showed me this at work and thank goodness there was no one in the waiting room because we were laughing so loudly and so hard we were crying. I was afraid his ferbillilator was gonna go off!)

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Seeker said...

I can just see them, riding off into the sunset... I hope Roy got rested up first.

uncle joe said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
uncle joe said...

Are you asking to write chapter two? It's yours if you want it.

Are you asking for Bubba and Roy to stick a boot up yer butt?
They ain't skeered.

Ted said...

Thanks for calling the pony Roy

uncle joe said...

Thank you Ted.

Tedly when you call me,you can call me Al.

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uncle joe said...

I'd like to thank all my loyal spammers out there for reading my story...
You bring a tear to my eye...

guitarman said...

Dear Uncle Joe,
After reading your amazing store this morning I fell asleep and had the strangest dream. There I was with Roy the shetland. I had lost a lot of weight. My hair had grown long and I was wearing these funny little John Lennon framed glasses. I had just bought an old truck from this guy, for my shetland of course, and the truck was a piece of junk. I started arguing with the man about the conditon of the truck and he told me "Hey, you get what you pay for." Anyways, as we were arguing old Roy up and fell over dead. The man felt so sorry for me he took the truck back and gave me a donkey. A DONKEY??? He told me it was a special donkey that was a christian. I was awe struck so I began to pray, (in King James of course.) I said, "Lord I have this here donkey and I know not what to name him?" The lord gently spoke to me and said, " son name your ass from the land whence it came." So I named him Utah!!! He..ahh He..ahh For those of you who don't know... Uncle Joe's middle name is the same as my donkey. LOL Yours Truly Roy

uncle joe said...

Dearest Guitarman:
You are in vain trying to push the buttons of a heart patient.

As the the author of "A Western Love Story", I , having a soft heart chose NOT to have the protagonist of the story riding an ASS named Roy.
That would have been mean.
I am not a mean person.

You have also just insulted my father, whom I am named after, who will probably read this and come after you, like a thief in the night (yes, just like Jesus).
You, my friend have become your own worst enemy.
Best wishes and sound sleeping to you and yours.


ps. My readers already know my middle name.
See previous post entitled "Guess my middle name".0

EmmaSometimes said...

okay, I didn't know you were back..or should I say, 'bat'?

Seeker said...

I won the "guess my middle name" contest! Yay!!

uncle joe said...

3 cheers for Seeker!


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Aunt Jo said...

HipHipHooROY for Seeker!! I remember that game.......

Joe, How many times to I have to tell you?? I HATE SPAM! SPAM IN ANY FORM INCLUDING SPAMMERS!!!

Please do something about that immmediately or I am gonna lose my lunch. Gag! Spam!!!

Jamie Dawn said...

I'm dabbing tears from my eyes. What a touching tale of dirty, nasty, true, love.

Dudn't git any better'n that!

If you decide to sell T-shirts to promote your Dawg series, I have some suggestions:

Save the Shetlands!

Bubba Dawg for President

Tess's Dawg Needs a Bath

PrayerfulMom said...

Ok Ya'll are making me think about my kids, the way they use to try to one up eachother, the way it could easily get out of control and I would have to bring out my ref. voice...
Sniff, sniff...Oh those were the days.
It is football weather, there are only a few more weeks of day light saving left for this year.
Just where has this year gone to already.
Ya'll play nice ya hear.

Jamie Dawn said...

Tess is hilarmious.
What do you expect from a girl from Snurl?

Leslee said...

You should be published!

Saur♥Kraut said...

Awww. You beat Zane Grey all to heck and back.

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