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Monday, April 03, 2006

On prophets, blue tangles and the jawbone of an ass..


After Sunday night's service Ted came up and asked me, the Reverend U.J. Hineyken to lay hands on him.
"Why do you come to me my son?" I asked him.

"You're the prophet, YOU tell me!", he replied.

After Ted put some money in the tip jar I found it necessary to straighten Ted's hair so he would be presentable to the Lord.

I soon discovered that nothing could be done with Ted's hair because of all the FreeWill allowed in Ted's life. My fingers became entangled in sin that had manifested itself into tiny blueish gray curls. Teds tangled hair was the reason for his troubled soul.

Ted's humility and brokenness before God's chosen instrument Reverend U.J. Hineyken was soon rewarded as my healing fingers broke free and I untangled years of vanity and strife.

The picture below captures our joyous moment immediately after the healing.



Immediately after the healing service Ted announced his conversion to the religion of Samson, the Nazarite.

He was last seen with the jawbone of an ass running down Highway 41.

Lord, he was born a rambling man.

25 comments:

Badoozie said...

well, hereto am I, thou Gobhole Girl, and I shall comment after i read this post, I am hereby attempting to hog up the first spot once again

Badoozie said...

UJ, this has to be one of your funniest posts yet. i was fairly sure you were healing him of dandruff until I read it. there is a place called Jawbone flats, perhaps that is where he was headed.

Badoozie said...

if you look closely, you will see that the man behind and to the right of ted (in the brownish pants) has wet himself. you will need to heal him of incontinence, next chance you get. thank you

Anne said...

You are just too witty for me Uncle Joe!

Anne said...

Badoozer - only YOU would notice that! I went back and looked at that photo and about choked on my spit from laughing so hard. Yes, it IS possible to choke on spit.

uncle joe said...

Anne, please don't go the way of Janic Joplin, you're too important to us.

I can't see the wet spot on my computer, i'll have to use AJ's in the moanin...

Anne said...

Uncle Joe - In infected you with the Indie Virus. Come see.

Aunt Jo said...

A Healer AND a superhero! WOW I am the most luckiest Aunt in the whole dang town!

Look closely and you can see carly in the second picture...her eyes are shining.

uncle joe said...

aj means the 1st pic.

Ted said...

I just back back from lock up apparently running down the highway with an ass bone is illegal and since I had been warned about running with a pointy stick already they had no choice but to lay hands on me as well. A different kind. For ass bone runners on highways. Anyway I now see the error of my ways and will only run in approved ass bone areas outside the city limits. By the way the guy with the pants was also locked up. I asked him what would help him. "Depends" he said

Seeker said...

No more haircuts for Ted.

uncle joe said...

Reminds me of the story of Paul and Silas...
Tell me TeddyPaul, what happened next?

Aunt Jo said...

Ted just likes saying ass bone. ;o)

EmmaSometimes said...

would that make him bad to the bone?

Jamie Dawn said...

Was that the same ass that Abraham sat on?
They sat on a lot of those in the Bible days.

If Ted ever meets a lady named Delilah, tell him to RUN AWAY!

uncle joe said...

Ted is a good sport to allow me to laugh with him. he's a good friend too.
Emma, we will have to ask George Thorougood sp? that question...

Badoozie said...

yes, i see that Ted likes to say assbone. jawboneassclown. something like that. sorry about all the lockdown takedown lockups going on over there, it seems to be an issue. statistics show that people with teds condition tend to have a dual diagnosis of trichotillamania.

Ted said...

what did Susie diagnose me with? It better be something good or I will go on an assbone fillabuster

Aunt Jo said...

Ted you are saying assbone too much. The only cure I know of for trichotillamania is copious amounts of chicken salad consumed while standing on your head.

Jamie Dawn said...

Sorry for ever mocking you.

By just looking at that picture, I was healed of tendonitis in my elbows. Saints be praised!

uncle joe said...

Jamie Dawn, most people have reported "touching" the picture to get healed!
You only had to look?

You have received a double portion of blessing and are highly favored in God's eyes....

Saur♥Kraut said...

Funny! At least he didn't join the Shantar Religion, though.

Anne said...

Uncle Joe - are you going to post your piggies in your favorite shoes? We would LOVE to see them.

Jamie Dawn said...

Did you receive that thousand dollar seed faith offering I mailed?

uncle joe said...

Okay, I'll post my piggies in my favorite shoes.

JamieDawn, All I got in the mail was a thousand seeds.
Mustard seeds....