Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Claritin Dream #1/ Number 17 Your Pizza is Ready!
Spring has sprung in Green Country in the form of CRAZY WEATHER and another phenomenon straight from the pit of HELL known to the world as ALLERGIES.
If you've never enjoyed this malady that invades the eyes, sinus cavity, brain, brain stem, ears, ear lobes, ear wax, armpits, and then your complete aura then you must move to Oklahoma for at least a week.
The CRAZY WEATHER pushes and pulls these miniscule ALLERGY NODULES all over the state in a whirling dervish fashion that will hit you when you least expect.
An otherwise couchridden man will be caused to quickly stiffen and jump to his feet and sneeze and snot for two hours straight. The man's family will leave after the first hour of obligatory "Bless You's" after a desperate search through the house for that large smelly quilt they've been meaning to take to the laundromat for years. The mans eyes will water and burn so profusely he doesn't even see his family leave. He thinks they have been taken in the Rapture and left him alone on earth to suffer.
"Bring your coloring books and a few movies kids, it's gonna be a long steamy night!"
Therefore we have the modern miracle of Benadryl and Claritin.
My Benadryl dream was the subject of a post eons ago. After much trouble with Benadryl I've moved on to the mind altering magic of Claritin.
I don't know where they come up with the names for these drugs but I've decided that Claritin is so named because ones dreams are more Clear(itin) as opposed to the dreams one has when taking BenaDrool.
My Claritin dream started out on a dance floor with AJ but quickly evolved into an outdoor scene with lots of men with exercise mats. No, they weren't gay so don't even go there.....
We were told we were going to have a FREE for ALL in the form of a fight in which the top ten would be taken to another location to determine a winner.
I recognize a few of the faces in the crowd as the fight ensues.
Dream moves to a large van which is carrying the top ten fighters. I am sitting in the back wondering how in the heck I made it to the top ten. I deduce that somehow my former reflexes have returned and my very elementary skill in the art of Judo has brought me into this van now headed for an unknown destination.
The men with me in the van are scary, large muscular fighters who are sizing each other and expecially me, up.
I look down at my own muscles and am quite impressed. Not bad for an overweight heart patient with a pacemaker/defribillator installed.
Then I wonder how long I can make it with my defib in a real fight.
We arrive at the fight location which looks like an indoor skating facility and draw numbers.
After watching the first few fights I decide that I'm going to get killed just for being in the same room with these guys. So I sheepishly walk into the judges room and get on one knee and mumble something about my defibrillator and how I really shouldn't be there at all, so thanks anyway.
The judge rolls his eyes and gives me my card with my fight number on it and says OK.
I grab my stuff and leave the building with some other folks who are going to a local gym to work out for the next fight.
At the end I walk in the door of the gym greeted by this large man who says to me, "Hey, Uncle Joe, come see what we made for you!"
The large man hands me a tank top with these words printed on the front.
"Uncle Joe Top Ten Fighter"
Are you now even more impressed with YOUR Uncle Joe?
I know I am.
Posted by Whistle Britches at 4/25/2006 08:20:00 AM