I'm going to attempt to go deep today. Please understand that my field no longer goes the full hundred yards.
I'm supposed to be getting wiser the older I get, but it seems lately I am just more confused.
I could blame it on the illness or the medication I suppose..
There was a time when I welcomed change. My mother used to joke that I was a true Gemini, always changing my mind and my clothes. But since I don't believe in astrology I've had to throw that opinion by the wayside and deal with the issue in other ways.
I think some of my need for change was probably inherited from my mom's dad. He was always changing jobs. Seemed that he got Bored after learning a job and just needed to move on.
Maybe he had ADD. I look back on my school years and am pretty sure I had/have some sort of degree of this maddening affliction of the thought processes. I also have to deal with the fact that my decisions affect the three lovely ladies in my house that God has blessed me with.
It could also be that I was running away from the harder issues in life. Probably a mixture of a lot of things, that truly are in the past and need to be remembered now only as a reminder to not live that way anymore since I have a family who is affected by my decisions.
I'm probably not alone in confessing that I have had trouble in discerning God's will for the changes in life versus my will for the changes.
Back to the present.
We, as a family, are facing quite a few change challenges.
The first is the question of my health and how long i'll be able to continue before my heart starts weakening more and I need a heart transplant. That's an evergoing problem and the changes in my health are only noticeable after long periods of time.
The second is the opportunity for us to move to a town about eight miles away into a nicer house than we own now. Moving a familiy, even only eight miles away, can cause serious consequences if it's the wrong thing to do.
Thirdly, it has become increasingly evident that it's time for us to find a new church family/church.
Since returning to church over ten years ago, I've always needed to have stability in this area of our life. Church hopping is not good for any family.
We've been with our present church family 3 years and really I would have left over a year ago if it had not been for the issue of stability for my children. We HAVE wonderful friends there and are not mad at anybody (for those of you we attend church with).
There are well meaning people who will invariably ask, "Why are you leaving?"
I'm really not going to answer that, because really it's really nobody's business.
That's how rumors get started because even well meaning folks can misconstrue what was just said to them 5 minutes ago, much less two days ago.
Change has always been like this for me.
Call it opportunity if you like.
It always comes in bunches. It comes from every angle and side.
Of course I know God is in control. The still small voice is has just been extremely hard for me to hear these days.
I would love to answer any questions or read your opinions on these matters. I highly value your advice.