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Saturday, February 18, 2006

This is my Politically Correct Title for my NOT so Politically Correct Post

I write this post with great trepidation concerning the possible backlash I might receive even offering to you these thoughts that raced through my noggin last night at Applebee's.

After deciding that Applebees was the place to dine for the evening for the sole purpose of getting out of the house with family in tow, minus our eldest queen bee, we were comfortably seated and given our drinks and then given the chance to listen to, from our youngest queen bee, whining about why the food was taking SOOO LONG to get to our table.

The restaurant quickly filled to near capacity by folks either absolutely starving or those seeking shelter from the coming ice storm.

Either way I noticed that to my left on the upper floor (two steps up) of the restaurant, two clean cut, out on-the -town cowboys had just been seated.

Both wearing their best duds and their nicest hats I thought just for a moment, "How nice it would be to be in my early twenties again with nothing to do but paint the town with my best bud, no committments, no cares, just hanging out drinking a beer or two and then starting the hunt for the future "Mrs".

That's when it hit me. Brokeback Mountain. I didn't see the movie. Don't want to see the movie. Good for you if you saw it.

I found myself watching these guys and wondering. Are they now coming out of the closet? They DO seem a bit too chatty. They ARE looking at each other right in the eye when they talk. Just what are they laughing at?

I wonder if two cowboys enjoying each others' company are, on a regular basis, now being scrutinized for just being together. Are band geeks who have historically received insane amounts of bad treatment now paying back the "Rednecks" for generations of humiliation. I could also imagine a carload of computer nerds chasing down a Ford truck and whipping the cowboys with their laptops and then taking their clothes and leaving them stranded in the middle of the night. Not that that ever happened to me.

But it was always the rednecks who would stick their scrawny necks out of their pickup for a late night drive-by screaming "SISSIES!!!" and other derogatory remarks about our manhood while we were playing tennis until midnight back in the eighties.
I remember yelling back at them at the top of my lungs something like, "Blank you, you piece of blank!"
Then watching my "tough" tennis playing buddies get all nervous that they might come back. Not once did they ever come back.

Back to Applebees now. Then I wondered, "What would they do If I started making eyes at them? That would be the proof I was looking for. I asked myself, "Self, why do you even care? Are you trying to start a ruckus here on Holy Ground?" "Applebees?"

Then I saw the proof I had been waiting for. THEY WERE DRINKING BEER FROM LONGNECK BOTTLES.

Once again I rest my case and my weary legs.

24 comments:

PrayerfulMom said...

OH my gosh ! YOU've GOT to get a LIFE!
Your mind has too much time to wonder, drift, what ever you want to call it, I for one don't EVER want to have to go through the visualization of this EVER EVER NEVER again ! OH MY Stars...

Jenn said...

Do you get a lot of cowboys there in Green County? Here in Buffalo, people would be noticing anyone in a cowboy hat and boots... a couple of cowboys in Applebee's would definitly be receiving some glances.

Seeker said...

I think you should've invited 'em to play tennis with you.

Aunt Jo said...

Jenn: Yep Oklahoma is RedNeck country.

Sqweeker you are cwackin us up! I love your sense of humor. :o) We took a vote and you and PR need to move to GreenCountry. :o)

Anne said...

"longnecks"? What does that mean? I'm in outer space.

uncle joe said...

Anne, it's good you don't understand what that means.
I have more respect for you all the time.
OuterSpace is a good place...

Badoozie said...

oh give me a break. long neck bottle? my fav beer, coors light in a LONG NECK BOTTLE. not anymore, but back in the day. so uncle joe, you should be concerned if they were drinking margaritas, or daquiri's. that would be sissy behaviors. i thought you were going to tell us some great story about applebee's. you can always tell a "fake" cowboy from a real one, just look at their boots. real ones have horse crap on their boots.

Seeker said...

At first I was going to suggest a game of doubles, but I thought it might be taken the wrong way. :-\

Also, I was seriously considering a move to OK, but then I heard about the ice storm and that took the shine off it for me. Got enough of that right here. :-{

Jamie Dawn said...

Well, at least they weren't drinking sparkling water!

You have lost it! I enjoyed this post that delved into your way of thinking. I am just so thankful you didn't "make eyes" at them. Jo would have killed you.

uncle joe said...

SqueegieB, ahem.. this is cowboy country. they're everywhere. there's a couple climbing on top of my house right now. don't know how they got there. maybe a spaceship.
I went to a real cowboy bar for over ten years.
after the local rodeo, the REAL cowboys put on their BEST duds. No horse or cowpoop anywhere.
SEEKER, the weather is still better here. This hasn't happened to us in a while. You have to get used to tornadoes though.
You and PR should really consider moving here and be our pastors. That would be the coolest thing since Root Beer Floats. I could almost guarantee you a full music staff from day one. Thinkandpray about it.
JamieDawn you and your husband are invited too. Bring your bullhorn.

Aunt Jo said...

You know I was there and these guys did look a might "happy" together. When I looked at them I wondered if they too had a secret life, but my back was to them so I didn't get to view their actions as much as Joe did. I had a little queenbee on my side trying to hog all the brownie sundae and i had to fight for my half. :o) Who cares about happy cowboys when there are brownie sundaes around? Hmmm?

Aunt Jo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jory-san said...

Cowboys in Oklahoma? just a few. It's the rest of us that draw attention.

by the way, it's the naughts and they still drive by the Spalding tennis courts screaming "sissy!"

I wonder how many people watched Girls Don't Cry but would never sit through Brokeback Mountain. And don't say Girls Don't Cry was a true story. I'm sure there are tons o' gay cowboys! (refer to this post for evidence)

Badoozie said...

ahem. are you speakeling to me when you say squeegieB? i am never sure, you change my name so much i've lost touch with reality. i grew up in redmond oregon, sisters oregon had one of the best pro rodeo's in the nation every year, so there were a few cowboys wannabee's practicing here and there, and living here and there, round about those parts, so just shut yer yap.

Seeker said...

I love cowboy weddings (but only when the bride is a woman).
Those dances are the BEST! They can really two-step.

uncle joe said...

SqooshyBcoozie don't ever tell me to shut my yap agin'
Get off of yer High Horse Woman..
You're just raggin on me cause you got to go to Boys ee and watch drunks all weekend...

ANP said...

I thought you were headed to how you realized how nice it is that you already have a wonderful Mrs. and a sweet little family of bees buzzing about. I don't have any idea where all that other came from except I think you want a beer.

uncle joe said...

MuscleMama? That you?

Why in the world would I want to wax poetic about having bees buzzing around?

Saur♥Kraut said...

*LOL*

uncle joe said...

You know SqweejerB in retrospect, Sisters, Oregon sounds like the place the gay cowboy conundrum had it's beginnings..

Seeker said...

har dee har har har.
"sisters"... I get it.

Badoozie said...

uncle bajunkle. i'll tell you that whenever i want to, whatcha gonna do bout it? shutyeryap shutyeryap shutyeryap, hahahahahahaha, you can't reach me, neener neener.

i've become firebarfie, oh my gosh. someone stop me

Anonymous said...

"Are you a real cowboy?"
"Well that depends on what you think a real cowboy is?"

The Urban Cowboy

Replicant said...

haven't you seen the village people? gay people are all walks of life, cowboys, mechanics, indians and whatever the other guys were dressed up as. even in oklahoma!