Last night AJ and I went for our nightly mile walk. It's our time to spend with each other, talking about how the day went and whose tail I need to go whip at her work. We live a block behind Indian Bowl football stadium, where all the city teams and the local college play their games. There is a practice field close to our house and we normally lap it one time before we head back to the house to get the girls in bed.
Due to cloud cover it was darker than normal last night as we stepped onto the field. Our talking was interrupted by a barking dog. At first I thought it was fenced in but after some very serious focusing on my part I noticed the dog was on the practice field barking at us. We couldn't hear each other because of the barking dog. It hounded us as we rounded the goal line, it's barking more ferocious every second.
One of my rules for late night walks is that I always carry a sharp object of some sort in case there's trouble.
Last night I put two sharp objects in my pocket. A pocket knife and a can opener. I deftly handed AJ the can opener and said, If the dog comes after you poke its head like you're opening up a can with a twisting motion like THIS! I've got my pocket knife, and together we'll take care of that crazy dog!
Then AJ said,"That's a 3-legged dog! It belongs to that house right over there. I've seen it in their backyard before."
Well, needless to say I felt bad about planning a defensive attack on a 3-legged dog. For pete's sake the dog has suffered enough in this life and it was probably just barking it's displeasure of having only 3 legs.
So we ignored the dog as we walked up the south side of the practice field, barking 3-legged dog still hounding us.
Halfway up the field I'd had enough.
"That dog is talking smack to me and I'm tired of it!" I proclaim to AJ.
I turn around and start walking straight at the dog. No yelling, just defiant marching straight AT the dog.
What do you think the 3-legged dog did? The 3-legged dog turned tail and ran all the way home!
Uh-huh! Who's bad now?
It seems now I have an adversary WORTHY of my crime fighting skills!
Although I feel less like Batman and more like the FUGITIVE................
22 comments:
I feel so safe when I am with you and our trusty can opener.
okay this is some good stuff. CAN OPENER??????
why uncle joe, why. why would you carry such an object with you in your pocket. have you gone mad? have you lost the cheese off your macaroni?
next time, take a spatula. they are wicked nasty
One time we took a corn cob thing.
"Late night news reports a man was stabbed 87,000 times by a corn cob holder after trying to attack two local walkers."
"I just held him down and my husband poked him with the corn cob holders officer."
Macaroni is supposed to have cheese on it?
Small pointed objects hidden easily in the hand can come in handy in a brawl yawl!
This is crime fighting 101. Basic stuff.
Woulda been nice to have a can of dog food in your other pocket, AJ. You know, when you are nice to your enemies, it's like heaping hot coals on their heads..... or something like that.
I'm sure you are glad you had your caped crusader along with you!
yes, okay. now i want you to brainstorm something UJ: what is an item you could take on a Pl@ne that would not get picked up on the thingy scanner, and could still be something to use in self defense. cause when i travel, i wish i didn't have to leave my nail clippers at home.
Seeker is on to something here.
A superhero who is nice to his enemies. Hummm...
susie, how about fake fingernails superglued on and sharpened to a fine point?
Another thing I noticed the other day after I cooked a t-bone steak. the bone itself fits in you hand very nicely and the end could be sharpened. will metal detector pick that up? don't know.
UJ you been watching too many prison movies
Good story Uncle Joe! When are you going to be able to get some of your guitar playing sound recordings on your blog?
Anne, I completely forgot about that. I'll check into it..
Oh do you feel better now? Picking on defenseless three-legged dogs? What's next, the guy in the wheelchair down the street?
Uncle Joe,
Were you thinking you might be the victim of a random souping?
And if the spatula won't work the mixer beater will. See, even the name says beater in it.
saur, only if the wheelchair guy looks dangerous. maybe he has a hairbrush, or somehing. that could be scary. maybe he has a souped up wheelchair, with an actual 49cc motor on it, and can catch uncle joe, and beat him with a hairbrush
ha! don't think I haven't thought about the beater.
but I would have to get a really long extension cord..
How did you know there was a guy in a wheelchair Saur? have you been stalking me?
You ladies just don't understand crime fight tools that don't look like crime fighting tools do you?
I tell you it's in the crime fighting 101 handbook...
They serve T-bone steaks in prison??!
Doesn't that lady with the pistol and the stolen chicken live around there? Maybe that's her dog. The vicious circle of revenge forever present in the superhero's life. Mom always promised to rig me up a watergun filled with ammonia to squirt at pesky dogs. Now I carry it on the train.
I'm sure AJ's eyes were misty with pride. Her superhero was protecting her and didn't even need to resort to violence. Now, THAT's power.
That poor dog may never bark again.
if you leave this up long enough, you will reach a hundred comments.
UJ!!! if you can hear me, where have you been lately? we miss you.
was it an electric opener? how did u plug it in?
Hey G! Welcome! I play in a Christian rock band, but I also love jazz..
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