That's Life! (with the Joe's)

Casting Gilligan's Island

2010-03-04T08:16:00.002-06:00

Finally, Hollywood has decided to do a re-make with great meaning.
Gilligan's Island is going to the Big Screen.
I'm going to do them a favor and over the next few days I'll be casting the movie for them.
The bill is in the mail.

Let's start with The Professor, formerly played by Russell Johnson.

I'm not a fan of this actor?, but will bite the bullet and give him the part anyway:

Matthew McConaughey can bring sexy back to Science and Boatmaking 101. I"m sure "Real" Island filming

will give this actor? a chance to do what he does best. Build a boat with his shirt OFF. Also, this may actually be the first time this actor? really has to act.

Let's move on to The Skipper, formerly played by the mucho underrated Alan Hale Jr.

My pick for this meaty role is former coach and sports analyst John Madden.

Just be yourself John. No acting required!

Good eats.

2010-03-01T22:07:00.001-06:00

Try this! It's easy and it's GOOD!!!!!

Been a long time since I Rock and Roll....

2010-02-18T16:00:00.000-06:00

Been a long time since I Rock and Roll.......

For Obama's sake. I haven't blogged this year at all.
Brain dead am I? Yes.....sad to say. Like a bear waking from a slumber, waiting for the sun, I WILL make a come back!!!!

Come on America, let's get Radical!!!

2009-11-08T20:26:00.003-06:00

I submit to you that Malik Hasan did NOT act alone. There WAS a conspiracy.

It was Malik AND........the voices in his head.
Why was he even allowed a place where the inner turmoil he faced on a daily basis was allowed to be nurtured?
How can anyone expect a Muslim man in the midst of a war to keep any sort of brain wave normalcy?

I do mostly blame Hasan, don't get me wrong, but for the sake of all this is NOT politically correct, the signs were there.

So the voice of the of the "Radical Islamist" wins out over the voice of the "Good American".

The Islamist voice tells him to praise allah, kill American soldiers, and claim his rightly earned virgins in Islam Heaven.

By the way, do you know what the difference between a Radical Muslim and a Radical Christian is?

A Radical Muslim features Malik Hasan killing American soldiers in the name of his god.
A Radical Christian features Jim Elliot preaching the Gospel in Ecuador, and quite literally losing his head, and perhaps in an even more "Radical" part of the story, the wives of the slain missionaries coming to Eduador and FORGIVING the Waodini people.

A break from the norm.

2009-11-05T09:29:00.000-06:00

I'll break from the 'norm' today and ask this question:
Don't you think William Shatner has really let himself go?

Spock! Spock!!!

Circa 1988 and digressing.

2009-10-31T13:40:00.000-05:00

Back in the day, circa 1988, I was an asst. manager at a grocery store while also attending The Tulsa School of Court Reporting. The attempt to be a Court Reporter never panned out as I found my hands and fingers, though nimble enough to be at best an amateur jazz guitarist, to be a bit on the extra-large size to maneuver the keys of the stenograph. 3 years of school and ten thousand in tuition money later I had to move on.

That was a major crossroad in my life as I found myself at the age of 30, only half finishing 2 or 3 college degrees.
But I digress.

I learned early in my life that I had to work harder in school to make good grades.
You expect me to say, I stepped up to the plate at an early age, let's say 13 to 16 and made the A honor role?
Nope. It didn't happen.
Digressing again.

As a child of 5 or 6 I realized I was able to pick up on attitudes, activity, emotions and generally the dynamic in the room. I also learned quickly that I was perhaps the only one in the room paying attention to even the most subtle of glances and could read the meaning behind the eye movement behind the glance. (More on this later)
Proof of this is that I would sometimes go over to the person and ask them if "this" is what they were thinking at that particular moment.
"You're just a kid, how would you know that?"
Good question.
As I grew older (and taller) I realized that within 15 seconds of entering a room, I could read who was mad at whom, who liked whom, the happy couples, the unhappy couples, the humbleness of few, and the arrogance of most.

Here I can stop digressing and go back to 1988 at Ken's Foods IGA.
This story is acutually NOT about me later discovering I am an INFJ.
Or is it?

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Life lesson #17

2009-10-27T13:22:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid, I was in the Cub Scouts. Summertime was especially fun with day camp outings and lots of actvities for young boys.
One particular day we were taken on a hike. The miles involved I don't remember but I do remember this:
On our way back to the house we came across a natural spring.
Hot water bubbling out of the ground, collecting in a small pool.
Those of us with empty canteens were eager to want to refill them.
Three adults were with us. One said, "Go ahead boys, refill your canteens with this fresh water".
One adult said quietly, " If I were you, I wouldn't listen to him, don't do it".
The other adult was quiet.

The excitement about finding a natural spring in the middle of nowhere led many of us to fill our canteen or even empty a half-filled canteen and fill it with this spring water.
There was quite a discussion as to whom we should believe.
The funny, charismatic adult who insisted we drink the water, or the quiet reserved man who insisted that we shouldn't and even tried to explain why it was a bad idea.
Some of the kids were even picking sides as to which leader to believe.
I was torn between keeping my half-filled canteen or filling it with this fresh water.
Ultimately, I gave in and filled mine with the water from the field, thinking," If THAT man is not telling the truth, I'll miss out on fresh water".

The men corraled us and steered us back in the right direction.
A few minutes later, the first thirsty scout opened his canteen and immediately spit the water out, exclaiming,"It's salty!!!!!"
At that moment we all opened our canteens with the hope that somehow our canteen would hold the fresh water that one of our leaders had promised.
Disappointed, we all realized that for the rest of the hike, if we were thirsty we would have to drink water from a salt spring.
Questions of, "Why would you lie to us?" were answered with a quick, "Because you should have known better. It's your fault, not mine....."
The truthful adult said, "I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me".

After finding my water undrinkable I poured it out and sucked it up for the rest of the hike, back to the house with the fresh water.

This lesson has stayed with me all my life.
There are people who are going to lead you astray. It will come in any area of your life.
You're going to have difficult choices to make.
In this instance, it was the man full of personality and smiles who promised a lie.
The quiet unassuming man telling the truth was for the most part,ignored.
While this may seem like a harmless joke played on a group of unknowing 8-9 year olds, I find a lot of lessons here that we can apply to our lives today.

What say you?

And I can dance to it too.......

2009-10-22T09:55:00.000-05:00

What floor sir??

2009-10-09T08:37:00.001-05:00

If I had only been smart enough to post here what was on my mind only yesterday, today I would have been celebrated in the blogosphere as a legend in my own mind.

After contemplating Obama's actions up to this point in his presidency, the thought came to me: He's trying to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

I'm a day late and a dollar short as usual.

Since my elevator evidently doesn't go to the top should I just get out a walk the rest of the way up?

Shame on Me.

2009-10-06T15:58:00.005-05:00

I gave up blogging for facebook.
Shame on me.
I gave up a great home cooked dinner for fast food.
Shame on me, I say!

The world's getting crazier by the minute and I've been on facebook.
Crap.
Not any more.
I deleted the acct. a few days ago and I have to tell you. I'm happier than I've been in a while.

What's happened to all the bloggers? Come back to blogging.
If you're a mom and don't agree with the direction the government is taking us, check out marymbaker.blogspot.com.
You'll find you're not alone at asamom.ning.com
There's not much worse in this world than feeling alone.

Speak up,and do it often.
If you're concerned about your children's future. Step up to the plate.
It's now or never.

Hollywood Gnus: American Idol Edition

2009-05-21T09:14:00.009-05:00

Let me evidently be the first Hollywood reporter to report that the person in this picture is NOT Gene Simmons.

IDK who this yayhoo is, but it's not Gene.

I wonder if even Paul was fooled by this bad imitation.

Evidently the rest of the US was fooled.

Not me.

It's bad enough that Paula lip-synched her smoke and mirror performance a few weeks ago, and now we're presented with a faux Gene?

Tsk Tsk I say to Kiss and AI.

I just might be done with all of you.......

In a lesser Gnus report, the bandmember in "The Cat" make-up is actually Joan Rivers. But we all already Gnu that didn't we?

All Hollywood Gnus reports are biased opinions and are sole possession of Hollywood Gnus.

Any semblance to the truth is just pure dumb luck.

Hollywood Gnus

2009-05-15T08:35:00.010-05:00

Hollywood Gnus reports that Joan Rivers has signed on to play The Joker's whiny, spoiled mom, in the next Batman movie. Needless to say, we at Hollywood Gnus are excited that

all the make-up costs for her part canl be re-directed to needier parts of the movie.

Rumors that Donald Trump will be creating a brand new villain with the name "Mr. Pomp Adore" are at this time unsubstantiated, but the possible reunion of the two has been eagerly anticipated by many readers of Hollywood Gnus.

Thanks for letting us be your Gnus source and remember, "Getting your Hollywood Gnus anywhere else is a Gno Gno!"

Did you know?

2009-05-08T09:37:00.002-05:00

Did you know that Progressive Insurance is owned by the same guy that pushes Moveon.org and its liberal agenda?

Did you know that I played trombone in high school?

Did you know that 80's fashion is making a comeback? Just say no..
I have a 14 year old daughter. Please just say no...... (link)

Did you know that Barney Kessel is my all time favorite guitar player?

Did you know I can't figure out how to put a youtube video on blogger?

Bigger than the Moon?

2009-04-22T08:21:00.002-05:00

Sometimes we can get so busy we can forget.

Just HOW Big God is.

The 3 Musketeers. The rest of the story.

2009-03-13T22:48:00.003-05:00

I DVR'd "The 3 Musketeers" the other day in hopes that Cassidy would be interested in it and want to watch it. In this one D'Artagnan was played by Gene Kelly, one of her favorites from Singing in the Rain.

Me: Have you ever heard of "The 3 Musketeers?"

Cassidy: Yes. I think so..... Well, I know it's a candy bar.....pause pause......Dad, are they from the Bible?

I immediately pictured The 3 Musketeers laying down their swords at the feet of baby Jesus.

You know, it almost made sense to me.

Ha ha...She was so cute when she realized she was wrong.

"Dad, if you tell that story, please don't tell anybody I was making fun of Jesus.

Me: Baby girl, you are so cute. Jesus is not going to be mad....

Obortion?

2009-02-19T15:51:00.000-06:00

OKC Man Stopped for Anti-Obama Sign

Posted: Feb 19, 2009 11:17 AM CST

Updated: Feb 19, 2009 11:18 AM CST

Associated Press

OKLAHOMA CITY -- A construction worker with an anti-President Obama sign in his pickup truck window was stopped by police who confiscated the homemade sign.

Chip Harrison of Oklahoma City had a sign reading 'Abort Obama, not the unborn' when he was stopped by two officers last week.

Harrison said an officer told him the sign could be considered a threat to the president and police notified the Secret Service.

The officers took the sign but later returned it to Harrison and police said the officers were "overzealous."

Special Agent in charge Adrian Andrews of the Secret Service's Oklahoma City field office said agents interviewed Harrison and determined he's not a threat.

Harrison said he's no fan of Obama but the sign is a political statement opposing abortion, not a threat to Obama.

He said the sign is back in his truck and that he's considering whether to pursue a civil matter against the police for what he considers a violation of his right to free speech.

Who knew?

2009-02-17T23:49:00.000-06:00

Your Spiritual Number is Five

You bring adventure and change to people's lives.

You are willing to challenge your friends and push them to grow.

Right now, your life is about figuring out where to direct your energy.

If you're not careful, you can become too unreliable or flighty. You need the perfect project.

You live a free form life - which allows you to be very innovative and a great problem solver.

Rules, schedules, and structure practically destroy you. You have to do things your own way.

What's Your Spiritual Number?

Cassi's Shelby the Dog Report

2009-02-13T13:03:00.003-06:00

Cassi came in from the back yard with a notebook and handed me this report on our Collie Dog Shelby:

"Dad, here's a report on what Shelby has been doing in the backyard.."

Peeing
running
barking!
sniff
digging
walking
more peeing
stop!
running
more running
sitting
more sitting
looking at me
looking at Lilly (neighbor girl)
standing and looking at Lilly

I say, Lucky Dog!!!!!

What goes?

2009-02-12T13:50:00.000-06:00

Life.

Yay! Another Ice Storm!!!!

2009-01-27T20:32:00.003-06:00

I'm so happy there's another ice storm!
Can you tell?

This is me looking out the window at all the pretty ice and snow.
My face is "Shining" with wonder!
Yay!!! for MORE family time!!!!!

I feel minty fresh. Please make it stop.

2009-01-06T08:26:00.005-06:00

Above and below are pics of our living room. In addition to the poorly placed pictures and scattered shelves you'll find the room is painted in something I like to call Original Crest Green.

It's very yucky and we don't like it.

The living room is very small for a normal family of 4.

As many of you know, we are not a normal family of 4.

We are quite the opposite.

Among other things we are evidently color challenged. Our eye to paint to wall ratio/perception is severely lacking.

Is there someone among you who can tell us what color to paint our living room walls?

After all the room is designed for living, not for brushing teeth.

Breathitt Co. Believe it or Not!!!

2008-12-15T21:24:00.002-06:00

Before Benny Hinn, there was Jeremiah of Breathitt County:

Breathitt is the only county in the State which has the honor of producing a man who professed to be endowed with supernatural and divine power. He was known as Jeremiah, (Lovelace) the Prophet, and I was intimately acquainted with him. He professed that by laying on of his hands he could perform miracles-heal the sick, restore the blind to sight, relieve the most excruciating pain, and also walk upon water. To prove his claims he exhibited his divine power before an audience by treating several patients with great success, as testified by the statements of several subjects upon whom he operated.

Many of those present at the exhibition believed in his divinity, but there were several "Doubting Thomases" present who were not and could not be convinced of his infallibility until they could see him walk upon the water. So, for that purpose he made an appointment to meet them near his residence below the mouth of Frozen creek, on the Kentucky, on an evening of the following week.

In the meantime he procured three thick planks, ten feet long and about eighteen inches wide. Then he made three trestles and placed them in the river about nine feet apart and six inches below the surface of the water, and on these trestles he placed three planks, running them straight out in the river and the end of the first plank being near the water's edge on the ground and about eight inches below the surface.

The boys of the neighborhood suspected the deception he was trying to play on the public, and when they investigated and found the planks, they removed the middle one without the Prophet's knowledge. At the time appointed a big crowd assembled to witness the performance. It was about dark, but the moon was shining brightly when the Prophet made his appearance, arrayed in a long white robe, and after offering up a short prayer he gave directions to the audience to sing a familiar hymn when he commenced walking on the water. He then started for the water, and about the time the audience had sung the last line of the first verse he reached the end of the first plank. On his next step he went overboard into the water, where he struggled for some time, his long robe being an obstacle to his swimming.

He was about to drown when he called to his audience: "Brethren, save me or I perish!" A man in the crowd answered, "Can't give you any assistance-all dam'd fools like you ought to drown!" He finally got ashore, but was never known to walk on the water again. I was not present on this occasion, but afterwards did see the planks upon which it was said he walked.

Breathitt Co. Kentucky Interview

2008-12-08T09:52:00.007-06:00

Here are a few excerpts from an interview I found while researching some family history.

by J. Green Trimble 91 years of age.
(no relation to me, myself or I)

(Describing Breathitt Co. Kentucky tributaries. I believe they were aptly named.)

The names of the tributaries on the east side of the Kentucky river in Breathitt county are: Troublesome, Quicksand, Frozen, Holly, Bloody, Upper Devil's creek, Lower Devil's creek, Walker's and Hell creek. Cutshin and Hell- for-Certain are tributaries of the Middle Fork.

How to spot a Baptist preacher:

The Cope family on Quicksand consisted of two brothers, James and Wiley, and a sister. James had three sons, Wiley, William and Alfred Wiley, Sr., emigrated to Missouri about 1838, and took all his family with him except his son, James, who lived an honored life and died at a ripe old age on Frozen creek, leaving a family of respected sons and daughters. The sister married Mason Williams of Morgan county, who was a farmer, a preacher and politician. He was a man of more than ordinary ability, and was gifted as a speaker, and represented his district four years in the Kentucky Senate. In making his canvass he addressed a large number of his constituents one Saturday evening at a village in the Sandy Valley, and one of his brethren who lived two miles away invited him to partake of his hospitality until Monday and preach for them on Sunday. He gave Mr. Williams direction how to find his home, saying that it was not convenient for him to accompany him, but that his wife and daughter would entertain him until his arrival. When Mr. Williams arrived at the house he found two or three of the neighboring women there, and informed them that he was going to preach at the school house the next day; and it being one of our hottest July days, he laid down under a shade tree in the yard to rest and cool off. As he lay there an argument started among the women in the house as to what denomination he represented. It was conceded that he was not sufficiently well dressed to be a Presbyterian minister, also that his horse was too poor for a Methodist circuit- rider. Another suggested that he might be a Mormon disciple, some of whom were then traveling over the country. Finally one of them remarked that she could soon settle the question by examining his hymn book, and she ran her hand into his saddle-bags which were lying in the room, to find his hymn book. The first thing her hand encountered was a quart bottle of whiskey. She held it up and exclaimed: "Oh, he's an old hard-shell Baptist; here is his bottle of whiskey!" which was taken as conclusive evidence. I got this story directly from Mr. Williams himself, who has often partaken of my hospitality. He is a great, great uncle of Thomas Cope and Kelly Kash, two prominent lawyers of the Jackson bar

One of the most prominent and wealthy ladies of the county visited our store on one occasion, and seemed to take a fancy to me. As I was selling her a bill of goods, she remarked to me jestingly that she had a very pretty daughter about my age (I was then less than 14), and that at the proper time she would like to give her to me, and said that the next time she came down she would bring her with her and show her to me. A few weeks later she again visited the store, accompanied by a very pretty girl about 14 years old, well dressed with long golden ringlets, rosy cheeks and a fair complexion. I was as polite as a young Chesterfield, and said to the lady that I was glad to meet her lovely daughter, and that I hoped I could have the pleasure of extending our acquaintance. She replied : "Mr. Trimble, you are mistaken; she is not my daughter. She is one of my negro servants." The girl was afterwards sold at a fancy price to a prominent bachelor lawyer, who gave her a position as his house-keeper until Lincoln issued his Emancipation Proclamation

A strong argument for Baptism by immersion:

There was a protracted meeting held at Jackson by Rev. Joseph Nickell, who represented a denomination that preached the doctrine of baptism by immersion for the remission of sins, and that remission occurred in the act of baptizing. Among the converts was a man who had formerly been a tenant of Mr. Cockrell's and with whom he had had some difficulty. Mr. Cockrell happened to be in town that day and he followed along with the large crowd of over 100 persons to see the baptizing. As his former tenant was being immersed, Cockrell called to the parson in his loud and stentorian voice that could be distinctly heard a quarter of a mile, and said : "Souse him again, Joe for he's a dam'd dirty dog, and it will take two dips to wash away his sins!"

Todays Soup Challenge: Sweet Potato,Leek, Parsnip Soup

2008-12-05T22:31:00.008-06:00

Here's a really earthy soup recipe for anyone daring enough to eat earth soup.
Earthy because the ingredients grow under the earth.

Rustic.
Earthy.
Soup.

Earth with a y.

Y?
Because we like you!

Ingredients:
Sweet Potatoes 4 to 6 medium size
Leeks (The white of 2 or 3 leeks)
Parsnips (small bag)

Chop all the ingredients above (whatever is bite size for you) and place in pan.
Add just enough oil to sweat the vegetables.
Do not brown them.

Ten minutes more or less should do.

Add 4 cups of vegetable broth.
Use your judgment here.
More or less may be needed.

Season with salt and pepper.
Just a bit until you've seasoned to your liking.

Simmer for 25 minutes.

If you decide to puree this you will have a semi-sweet creamy soup on your hands or in your bowl if you don't get any on your hands.
The next day I added small touches of cumin, garlic powder, and ground red pepper.

AJ liked the sweetness of the soup on day 1.
I preferred the next days seasonings.

I pureed half of it and saved the other half to try as is.
Chunky.
Chunk with a y.
Chunky Earthy.

I liked it better this way.
Chunks of sweet potatoes, parsnips, and cooked leeks.
Salt and pepper only.

If prepared this way you'll find the bitterness of the parsnip compliments the sweetness of the sweet potato, with the leeks bringing all the flavors into a nice balance.

On a cold cold night.
Have a bowl of Earth soup.
With a Y.

It's Yumm with a Y!!!!!!!!!!

Say it ain't so, Joe!

2008-11-22T11:26:00.001-06:00

What we're really fighting against.

Let the madness begin!

2008-11-13T21:51:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I was paying $1.85 for gas. $20 gets me half a tank.
I notice out of the corner of my eye a young black guy looking at me.
He nods and yells, "Bet you thought you'd never pay $1.95 for a gallon of gas again!"

I nod and smile. I'm paying $1.85. He must be buying higher octane I think, or else he doesn't know how much the gas actually is.

He says, "You know what it is don't you? The Republicans are OUT and the Democrats are in charge now. The Republicans have been stealing gas....blah blah Bush blah Bush blah...".

My half-tank is done. I wonder, should I say something? Then I realize he's probably seen my McCain for President sticker still on the front of my truck.

As I open my door I yell, "Don't worry, the Republicans will be back in 4 years!"

Doggone it. I upset him.

"NO they won't....no they WON'T. They're all a bunch of s###.

Shame, shame, shame on me.

He was still yelling when I drove off.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that Bush was still our President.

Rahm "Gollum" Emanuel

2008-11-08T12:04:00.014-06:00

Just dress him up nice in a suit and tie and give him an itching ear...

(My Precious)

Add a song for your listening pleasure...

Todays political humor has been brought to you by Uncle Joe.

Holding Back the Boogie

2008-11-06T11:35:00.005-06:00

Do you think Obama is holding back the boogie here a little bit?
You've got to love the man for this!

I would like my 3 or 4 readers to bear with me as I continue to digest the happenings of late.
Yes, this video is a fun spirted attempt to encourage others to make fun of Obama Zealots.

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

The Last American Hero.

2008-11-05T10:51:00.006-06:00

This is a one-day rant.
Tomorrow I will be in a good mood again.

This is hard to digest.

This is what our country deserves?

American voters (at least over half) just threw the country out with the bathwater.

What does it say about us when a real American hero, a man who has given his lifeblood for this country, a man whose experience and strength and patriotism have been deemed the wrong choice for President.

And what do we get instead of experience and wisdom?
Ha!
Nothing of substance, except a walk and talk so smooth it can move masses of people just by moving its lips and saying nothing.

This is what we deserve?

This country is supposed to pull together now?
Someone help me.
Help me want to help him.
Biden, Pelosi, Reid, and Frank?
This is what we deserve?
Somebody slap me. Hard.

Folks, John McCain is the last true American Hero we'll ever see running for President.
The LAST hero.
America doesn't want heroes anymore.
America wants fence riders and white flag wavers.

That's what we want.
The problem with voting 'Present' instead of Yes or No reveals a man's character and ambition.
Ambition wins.
Character is weakened.

Americans lose.

Top Ten Things and a Note to Self.

2008-10-27T18:19:00.009-05:00

Note to Self: Self, take a sleeping aid with you next time you go camping with your family. Your family will love you all the more the next day.

How to have fun at the Mall:

1) Walk in the Halloween Bootique and scream like you've been stabbed in the neck. Fake blood and a real knife helps.
2) Walk into Regis Hairstylist Salon and yell, "Where's Kelly? (Ripa)
3) Alert the Marine Recruit Office that the all the guys at the Army Recruit
office said they were sissies.
4) Crawl into GNC on your stomach and mutter, "Steroids.....now........!!!"
5) While approaching EyeMart Express walk into the clear glass wall 5 or 6 times, give up and walk away.
6) At Christmas time, paint red splotches all over your arms and face and stand in line at Bath and Body Works with a half-empty bottle of lotion and a receipt.
7) Skip into Candy Craze and bag up 5 lbs. of candy. Tell them all you have is a new shiny penny. Walk out crying for your mommy.
8) Stroll into Riddles Jewelry and begin talking in riddles. Or dress up like the Riddler and query, "Have you got something in the shape of a bat?"
9) Go into Vanity Clothing Store and sing "You're so Vain".
10) For men only: Walk out of Snip n Clip holding your business and yell, "Those bargain vasectomies hurt like heck!!!!" Then stumble into the Army Recruit Office and tell them you're ready to join.

Marcia Marcia Marcia

2008-10-14T09:58:00.002-05:00

Maureen McCormick has finally written a tell-all book describing in detail her life as a Brady and the following tumultuous years.
The book, which will be released tomorrow supposedly names her many suitors.

If the name Uncle Joe shows up as a suitor or if the term "stalker" is used, please ignore it.
There was only that "one" time. I promise.

In other news, after our 30-year reunion the Class of '78 decided to keep in touch as much as possible, meaning we have a small group of locals who get together mainly for drinking purposes.
Since AJ and I are not really drinkers I suggested that we do some community service projects from time to time and lo' and behold we have our first project coming up.
We're going to help the Blue Star Mothers with their yearly stocking/shoebox project that sends soldiers stockings full of gifts.

Please find a Blue Star Mothers Chapter in your area and help if you have the time!

Avoid the Void?

2008-09-30T21:39:00.005-05:00

Clara Moskowitz
Staff WriterSPACE.com

If the notion of dark energy sounds improbable, get ready for an even more outlandish suggestion.

Earth may be trapped in an abnormal bubble of space-time that is particularly void of matter. Scientists say this condition could account for the apparent acceleration of the universe's expansion, for which dark energy currently is the leading explanation.

Until now, there has been no good way to choose between dark energy or the void explanation, but a new study outlines a potential test of the bubble scenario

One problem with the void idea, though, is that it negates a principle that has reined in astronomy for more than 450 years: namely, that our place in the universe isn't special.

(Did you read that right? The void idea negates the 450 year old principle that that OUR PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE ISN'T SPECIAL!)

When Nicholas Copernicus argued that it made much more sense for the Earth to be revolving around the sun than vice versa, it revolutionized science. Since then, most theories have to pass the Copernican test.
If they require our planet to be unique, or our position to be exalted, the ideas often seem unlikely.
This idea that we live in a void would really be a statement that we live in a special place," Clifton told SPACE.com. "

(COULD IT BE? WE DO LIVE IN A SPECIAL PLACE???)

The regular cosmological model is based on the idea that where we live is a typical place in the universe. This would be a contradiction to the Copernican principle."

Where would we be?

2008-09-21T13:12:00.003-05:00

Right in the middle of all this political hullabaloo I have a rather serious question.

What kind of world would this be without Mustard?

Celebs for McCain

2008-09-13T21:58:00.007-05:00

Here's a list of celebrities who support McCain.
Not that that's important, but it is.
Important.

Dean Cain (Superman);
Uncle Joe (Batman)
James Caan (Godfather I and II, Bottle Rocket);
Jon Voight (Midnight Cowboy, Deliverance);
Robert Davi (License to Kill);
Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk);
Adam Carolla (The Man Show);
Pat Boone
David Zucker (Airplane, The Naked Gun)
Lacy Chabert (Party of Five);
Angie Harmon (Law & Order);
Victoria Jackson (Saturday Night Live);
Gerald McRaney (Simon & Simon, Major Dad);
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men);
Wilford Brimley
Lorenzo Lamas (The Bold and the Beautiful, Renegade);
Kevin Sorbo (Hercules);
Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond);
George Newbern (Father of the Bride);
Robert Duvall (The Godfather and The Godfather II, Apocalypse Now).
Jerry Bruckheimer, producer of wildly popular television shows such as CSI, Cold Case, and Without a Trace
Kelsey Grammar
Jon Voight
Adam Sandler
Dennis Miller
Ben Stein
Gary Sinise
Stephen Baldwin
Kid Rock
Chuck Norris
Brooks & Dunn
Lee Ann Womack
Darryl Worley
Donnie McClurkin
Michael W. Smith
Daniel Rodriguez
Daize Shayne
Sara Evans
Rosario Dawson
Kevin Farley
Fred Thompson
John Ondrasik
Leeann Rimes
Trace Adkins
Gretchen Wilson
Joe Pantoliano

Fighting.

2008-09-10T08:59:00.004-05:00

It's no secret I'm totally ensconsed in the possibility of a McCain/Palin Presidency. I'm emotionally invested in the possibility.
I've never been emotionally invested in any Presidential race before.
I don't expect everyone to think like me.
I fact I hope everybody doesn't think like me.
In my younger days I sometimes voted Independent. Not for any reason in particular, other than just not to be like everybody else.

I've thought about this quite a bit over the last few months.
I'm a fighter. I'll fight for you if you need me to. Give me the facts and show me just cause and I'll go to bat for you.
Don't back me into a corner because you might not like me if you try.
The gray areas suddenly become crystal clear.
My un-opinionated personality suddenly becomes convinced of the fact that I will win at any cost. You might even think me crazy, but whatever it takes is whatever it takes.
I like the word 'Fight'. I want our Country to like the word 'Fight'.
I don't expect us to win all our battles but I don't expect us to go down without one.
So when John McCain ended his speech saying, "Fight with ME!!!", he was speaking my language.
I'll go up fighting or I'll go down fighting. Makes no difference to me.

After all, fighting is what got us to the top.

McPalin

2008-08-29T22:23:00.006-05:00

I just wanted to be the first to coin a new phrase regarding our Republican candidates for President and VP.

McPalin for President.

There. I said it.

6 or 9 Years of Crazy.

2008-08-28T15:53:00.007-05:00

Just a few wonderings of late.
Why oh why pray tell oh why pray tell does the lid from the gallon milk bottle keep disappearing?
Why oh why do we hear it being chewed by Shelby the Collie two days after it disappears, just in time for a new full size gallon milk to show up in the fridge?

Does she suddenly crave a drink in the middle of the night and forget to put the lid back on?
Hmmmmm.......
Something to chew on.

Why please tell me why didn't we have our icemaker fixed on our fridge when it first broke 6 or 9 years ago?
Why oh why do my kids put empty ice trays back in said fridge and drive me crazy on a daily basis?
Don't you think one-time charge to fix the darn thing would have been easier than 6 or 9 years of crazy?
Hmmm....
Something else to chew on, after you spit out the lid to the milk jug of course.

Why someone please tell me. Why did I forget the main thing I was wondering about for this post? Why?
Lend me your ear. Pray tell, and lend me, your ear.
Hmmmm.......
Something else to chew on. Not your ear of course.
Please don't chew on yours or mine or anybody's ear lest I call you Mike Tyson.

Please don't make me call you Mike.

Silver Medal Psychology

2008-08-23T09:29:00.004-05:00

Here's an interesting article from tothepointnews.com

HALF-FULL REPORT 08/22/08
Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler
Friday, 22 August 2008
We start with the revelation that there is a solid scientific reason for calling this the Half-Full Report. Psychological researchers have studied silver and bronze medal winners over the last several Olympics. It turns out that, on average, the bronze winners were happier than the silver.Those that won the silver were filled with regret that they didn't win the gold, while those that won the bronze were happy they got a medal at all rather than nothing for finishing fourth. The lead researcher, Dr. Thomas Gilovich of Cornell University, summed up the lesson learned:"The key to understanding happiness is not to think about it as a trait but as a talent. Happy people have a talent - they are able to argue that life is a glass half full."Happy people look at life as a glass half-full.
Register to read more...

This reminds me of the time I came home with a 2nd place trophy from a judo tournament.
My dad asked me, "Why didn't you win 1st?"
(uh.......because he outweighed me by 40 lbs and was 3 years older than me. duh)

Check out the website if so inclined.
there's a linky winky to the right, no! your other right! -------------->

The Copycat.

2008-08-16T21:25:00.004-05:00

Just some funny stuff that's happened around here in the last few days.

After Cassi's first day of 3rd grade, later in the day, she looked at me and moaned, "Dad, I don't want to go to school anymore!
"Why?", I asked.
"Because it gets harder and harder EVERY DAY!!!!"

Uh-huh. You just wait, poor little child o' mine!

AJ is a copycat. Copycat I tell you.
I made semi-homemade spagetti sauce tonight (Newman's Own Marinara with added garlic, sausage, onions, and bell peppers) and when the meal was nearly complete I commented that the sauce needed more garlic.
"More garlic next time!" I promised.
"Yeah! She exclaimed"
I swear I thought she was trying to make it HER original idea. Like she was saying she was GONNA say that, but I beat her to it.

"You're always copying me", I said. "You so just acted like that was your idea to say that."
"What? No, I didn't. I was just agreeing with you!"
"You're always copying after me and I can prove it!" I say in my best prosecuting attorney voice.
"???????????" (the I can't WAIT to hear what you're about to tell me look).

"Remember when we got married and I said "I DO?".
"(She nods yes)"
"Well, I said "I do" first and then you had to COPY me and say it right after me, so YOU'RE a COPYCAT!!!"

Case closed I say.

ps.
Later in the afternoon AJ was heard outside in the garage sharpening our knives.
Please pray for me.

Mr. Chicken,The Scenic Tour, Mace and Roll.

2008-08-03T19:04:00.006-05:00

AJ and I went for another jaunt to Mr. Chicken in Wagoner this afternoon.
Just she and I. I and her. All by our lonesome.
I could get used to the quiet.
The food let us down a bit this time but we did get to take a leisurely drive back home.
The scenic tour, so to speak.
You know "The Scenic Tour" drivers don't you?
We are the one that YOU honk and cuss as you drive around us while we go 10 miles below the speed limit.
My dad is King of The Scenic Tour Drivers.
No doubt about it.
He will also pull up behind a driver who is turning, and instead of pulling into the open lane to pass the turner, he will wait.
As long as it takes.
Back to today:
AJ was driving and soon I found myself to be in unfamiliar territory.
Narrow two-land roads with johnson grass so high on either side that daylight would soon be a memory.
Johnson grass high as an elephants eye.
It was only 2:00 in the afternoon.
Soon we found ourselves in a place called Toppers.
Trailer courts, trash in the ditches, high weeds.
She was a bit quiet and soon my imagination took a dark turn.
"She's going to off me out here in the middle of nowhere"
So I looked at her and said, "Are you going to off me right here. Push me out the car and watch me roll?"
"Are you going to mace and roll me?"
Haha.
I love the expression on her face when I ask asinine questions.
The we drove into small quiet marina.
Nobody there. Just us and molasses thick Oklahoma air.
I yelled, "You are going to off me and leave me here to die, arent't you????"

She just did a U-turn and got us back on The Scenic Tour Route.

Oh well. Maybe next time.
lol.
See what poor AJ has to put up with?
Don't you seriously 'feel' for her?

The Depot.

2008-07-30T10:46:00.002-05:00

Here is one of my favorite pics from the reunion.

We're rehearsing on the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame Stage in Muskogee.

It's called "The Depot" now. Referring to the fact that in its glory days it was a real train depot.

The walls are covered with large b&w paintings of the Hall of Fame inductees.

That's Merle Haggard behind me. The list is huge, ever expanding. A partial list of Oklahoma born inductees so far includes: Leon Russell, Toby Keith, David Gates, Vince Gill, Patti Page, Ronnie Dunn (Brooks & Dunn) and Roger Miller.

Oklahoma music offers something for everyone.

UncaJoeoverandout.

Borrowed Pics from AJ

2008-07-17T09:11:00.006-05:00

This is my fat self stuck in a Ping Pong Karate Pose.

This is actually part of a Ping Pong Kata I introduced to the Western World decades ago at Falls Creek Church Camp.

My paddle, swung at the right angle can chop coconuts in half.
Even with my extra poundage I am still quite the sight.

Don't you agree?
Also in the photo are Leslie Reid and Michelle Harshaw. Leslie is obviously as entranced by my skills as Michelle is not. Entranced.

I think the photographer (AJ) was quite spellbound also.

Here is a rare pic of the Joe sisters caught in a random act of kindness in OKC.
Cassi has been saying she would like to help and old lady cross the street.
Please don't tell her sister she said that.

Waiting for the Break of Day......

2008-07-07T23:59:00.001-05:00

Sr. Trombone Line

2008-06-27T00:26:00.007-05:00

Here are four of my best friends from high school. .
The four of us on the right were the senior trombone players in band in 1978. We met in Jr. High and stayed tight until we graduated.
They are from right to left, Uncle Joe, Kip Bloss, Jeff Tomlinson and Terry Bass.
I haven't seen Kip since around 1983. I've been in contact with Jeff and Terry a lot since our high school days.
The handsome fellow on the left is Jan Rigney, the lone trumpet player we allowed in this sacred photo. (the only one who came to the reunion Fri. night)
Jan dated ALL the prettiest girls in school. haha. Regular guys never had a chance. He brought his "newborn surprise" to the reunion. Just a few months old.
Good work Jan!!!!

High School Reunion

2008-06-21T10:19:00.003-05:00

My brain is still processing reunion weekend. I would say that without a doubt the most intense time of my life.

Here are a words to describe this event:

Reconciliation: I was the disgruntled classmate. I put the dis in gruntled and now I'm able to take it out. There is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Disco: Is not so bad. Fun to dance to. Fun to watch people's eyes light up as they remember a song. Fun to watch them hobble off the dance floor with tired knees, wheezing.

Disco Ball: Evil. Causes wicked colors to permeate the dance floor and walls causing flashbacks and very bad dance moves. I thought it was a Pinata and took a few swings with a very large pole. Security soon intervened.

Bald: Good. Helps light shadowy places for people with bad eyesight.

My head is a lamp unto your feet and a light unto the dance floor.

Boob jobs: Aplenty. Also apparent. Also appearing. But I'm not going to say appealing, 'cause that would just be wrong. Approachable? maybe.

Closets: BIG and EMPTY and dancing to disco, all night long. Not necessarily clean closets, just BIG and EMPTY. With brightly colored wardrobes.

Grandmas: Very wise. Not so grandma-ish as once imagined. Except while being entranced by evil disco ball. Plenty of blackmail opportunity pics.

That's all for now. I feel a huge nap coming to take me away.

Whittier Elementary 1972

2008-06-18T17:37:00.006-05:00

I borrowed this from one of my classmates profile pages.

I am in this picture.

First blogger that spots me that's not named lesliereid or Aunt Jo will win some sort of goofy prize.

The pic will enlarge for you.

Only one guess per household please.

Here's another game within the "guess me" game.

Think about names from the 70's and guess 10 names from this class. Girls Boys,Teachers.

The best out of ten wins another prize.

Employees, officers, and directors of Bloggerdom, along with its affiliated entities, subsidiaries, advertising, promotion and fulfillment agencies, legal advisors, their immediate family members and persons living in their same household, are not eligible to participate or receive prizes.
Void wherever restricted, taxed or prohibited by law.

The Miracle One Eighty.

2008-06-15T21:40:00.003-05:00

What a wonderful Fathers's Day.
I look at my girls and am amazed that I could be so blessed.

Suzy's dad gave his testimony at church tonight.
From behind the podium.
I looked at her and said, "Where is my father-in-law?"
The change is THAT drastic.
A complete one eighty.

Do miracles still happen today?
ummmmmmm........YES!!!!!!!!

The Best Day of My Life.

2008-06-07T09:13:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks before school was finished for the year Cassi's school gave the kids a half day to play games and generally run wild at the high schools football field.

Parents and grandparents were invited to bring lawn chairs and just hang out with all the kids.

At one point we walked over to the concession stand and I bought her some Gatorade and we sat down in the shade next to a pillar by the concession stand.

It's always fun watching these kids play in their natural habitat, sort of like what it must feel like to actually be driving a jeep on a site seeing trip through Africa.

After Cassi and I had leaned back and taken a breath and a cold drink of Gatorade a little girl with a red Gatorade mustache from Cassi's class came and joined us in the shade.

We were all just enjoying the moment when a few minutes later the little girl let out a huge sigh, took a drink of cold Gatorade, leaned back and sighed again and said, "This is the BEST day of MY LIFE!"

At that very moment I had to agree with her.

Yes it was.

We'll have a gay old time!

2008-06-03T17:57:00.003-05:00

The recent gas crisis has finally led a lot of carmakers to reinvent themselves as shown in this article.

I think Fred Flinstone had it right all along. Don't you?

Here is a real life working model.

Tell you what, I'll stop by your place tonight and we'll pick up some ribs and have a "Gay Old Time".

The "Real Deal" Piano Man.

2008-05-31T13:52:00.005-05:00

Here's a pic of my good friend from high school Mr. William E. Brackeen.

He was a prodigy in Jr. High School and was well known even back then for his ability to play anything he heard on the piano.

William and I had French II and sat on the back row with another friend, John McCrary.

We had a blast sitting on the back row and still made good grades.

One of my best memories is having "Arm Wrestling for Your Pocket Change Money" contests from time to time.

They never understood how a skinny white boy could keep beating them.

But they were skinny too, so the playing field was fairly even.

Obviously there were no jocks in that class or we would have all been in trouble.

William entertained us with some of his favorite hymns.

These days he's a Music/Piano/Choir Instructor at Langston University in Oklahoma.

Bush is a Celebrity!

2008-05-27T16:23:00.006-05:00

I have NO ideas for a new post.
My head is still swimming from all the activity surround my upcoming 30th High SchoolReunion.
There's a reunion meeting tonight I'll have to miss because of my birthday.
Glen or Glenda will be there. Also the "hey, your mom is Hot!!" guy will be there too.
The "you don't look like your yearbook picture!" Grandmas will be there too.

I'll try to get a video of our band playing reunion night. If I look like a doofus or my head is glistening brightly I probably will not put them on here.
My family has always wondered why I make funny mouth movements when I play.
I've seen some other guitarists who are real jazz players do the same thing and it's a very irritating thing to look at, so If I do post a video of me playing just look at my amazing hand/finger ability to virtually play ANY chord at any time.
I'm really a virtuoso!
NOT!

At this very moment I'm wondering where we'll eat tonight for my birthday dinner, just happy to still be here on planet Earth.
My dad came over earlier and gave me my birthday present.
He's never been one to splurge on birthday or Christmas. Normally he gives me or us something very useful or practical. In his carpenter days we always received something handmade.
Today I received a "Bush Celebrity tomato plant. Actually two of them.
"Now son, those are Celebrity BUSH" plants, NOT plain Celebrity plants! There's a difference you know!"
I actually love tomatoes. I love his gift. It's simple and it's a gift that will keep on giving as the gardening season progresses.

Summer break has started off on a quiet note. Cassidy spent the night with Nana last night and Carly's been on the computer all day.

Have I bored you enough?
Thanks to all who have wished me a happy birthday or called me.
I appreciate every one of you!

Shenanigans and Hooligans

2008-05-23T09:31:00.009-05:00

Did anybody get to watch the TV Land Show, High School Reunion?
You may or may not be turned off by the drama which occurs naturally at these real life events.
AJ and I watched it, mainly because she shared the same graduation year of 1987.
Sometimes we laughed and sometimes we nodded our heads in bewilderment of the happenings on the show.
I would like to announce that the previous mentioned show has NOTHING on the MHS Class of 1978.
You want drama, comedy, "I couldn't make this up stuff"?
Welcome to the upcoming (June 20,21) MHS School 30 Year Reunion!

Am I right lesliereid?

lesliereid started a website for our class and the response has been phenomenal.
The message board has been hot with activity in more ways than one.
Classmates who were keeping hidden secrets are finally finding the freedom to come out and express their joy!
Classmates (yes, okay. I'm talking about me)who were already nuts are proving their behavior in high school was no fluke. Their personalities were fully developed while in high school.
Why change something that is already perfect?
I think we had over 500 in our graduating class.
I remember back then hearing that almost 700 had actually begun the year but only 500 made it through the entire year to graduation for one reason or another.

Based on comments from the message board here are the upcoming episodes:

Episode 1 of MHS 30 Year Reunion: Glen OR Glenda?
Episode 2: Hey man, your mom is HOT!!!
Episode 3: Hey girl, your mom is HOT too!!
Episode4: Everybody's mom is Hot!!! Let's get wasted!!!!
Episode 5: I put the "Dis" in Gruntled!
Episode 6: Come on really! Glenda or Glen?
Episode 7. What happened in the basement STAYS in the basement!

Stay tuned for more hijinx from The MHS Class of 1978

The Big Picture.

2008-05-20T09:12:00.002-05:00

Click on the little picture to get the "Big Picture".

The Good Doctor.

2008-05-19T22:27:00.003-05:00

The doctor that brought me and 8,000 other babies into the world has passed away.
Here is the link for the good doctor's story.
Truly one of a kind.

That's all.

Dear Cassi Jo.

2008-05-15T12:25:00.004-05:00

3 years ago I did a post called something like: Dear Cassi Jo.

Bloggers would ask her quesitons and she would answer them with her 5-year old God given wisdom.

I thought it might be time to try it again.

Actually, she asked if she could do it again. Since she's 8 now I bet she has way lots more to say.

So here we go....

Let me ask the first question.

Dear Cassi Jo, I have trouble sleeping at night. What should I do?

love, Dad.

Butterfly Girl Sings for Show-and-tell.

2008-05-11T23:31:00.007-05:00

I finally talked Cassi into letting me bring my guitar and playing while she sang at Friday's Show and tell.

I've never had a more proud "Dad Moment" with her as I did Friday.

She fought through embarassment and nerves and sang her heart out.

We sang 'The Summer Wind' originally heard by my ears being sung by Frank Sinatra.

When she was finished, the classroom exploded with applause.
Shouts of "Cassidy, YOU are so GOOD!!!!" could be heard.

Her teacher and a former teacher were almost speechless.

I'm not prejudiced. She was that good!

My youngest daughter desperately needs this affirmation from her classmates.

It was truly a magical moment.

Batman, Spiderman, and Butterfly Girl.

2008-05-07T08:32:00.006-05:00

Cassidy's 2nd grade class was given a cool assignment. Each student was asked to pick an insect or an animal. They were given the weekend to prepare a handwritten report which they were to present orally to the class.
Cassidy selected "Butterflies", so our weekend was centered around Butterfly books and building a "Diarama" sp?
AJ and I both decided to attend the 2 or 3 minute presentation.
Cassidy did a wonderful job. She had prepared well and pronounced new words such as, nourishment, thorax, mimicry, and antennae ,flawlessly, though seeing the word antennae made her say 'antler's' the first few reading attempts.
Cassidy repeatedly turned down my offers to dress up like a huge butterfly and fly into the classroom unannounced.
Do you think dad would actually embarass her like that.
She's also refused my offers to show up at "Show and Tell" as Robot Dad.
She could say "My dad is a robot and I could walk robotic around the classroom and bump into walls and stuff.
What's wrong with her?
Doesn't she appreciate me?

The next kids topic was "Spiders". He was very soft-spoken and spoke with a slight " lithp" due to some missing front teeth.
The students were allowed to ask questions or give comments.
After the students had finished their questions I raised my hand.

When he nervously pointed to me, I asked the all important question. A question for the ages:
" Ummm........Can Spiderman beat up Batman?"

Poor kid. He didn't know what hit him.
Five seconds of silence and then I smiled and laughed and then the kids turned around and looked at me and started giggling.
Cassidy looked at me very red faced and said, "My dad likes Batman".

Then a kid yelled very loudly "BATMAN WOULD TEAR HIM UP!!!!"

And a little child shall lead them........

Monkey see-Monkey doo.

2008-05-04T11:55:00.003-05:00

There's a lively debate going on over at Jamiedawns blog.

If you believe the pic to the left is your greatxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx grandfather pay her a visit.

If you don't, you should also visit her blog. She's a very funny, classy lady with a wonderful family who we've had to pleasure to meet.

Why do evolutionists feel it's their life work to prove we came from monkeys, and call folks who don't agree with them "uneducated?"

Geez, get a life.

Maybe it's time to let "Sleeping Monkeys Lie". :-)

The "Foolishness of the World" will always confound the wise.

We have a winner!

2008-05-02T09:40:00.005-05:00

Thanks everybody for playing!
The winner is lesliereid.
She will receive a copy of my autobiography: The Story of Uncle Joe: Meanness Don't Happen Overnight.
It's about 4 thousand pages long. Since meanness don't happen overnight it's a day by day diary beginning in Kindergarten when this mean kid named Robert Healey stole my toy gun.

Here is an explanation for the random celeb meetings.
I was the only boy for years on my mom's side of the family. Lots of girls meant that when visiting, sometimes for weeks at a time in the summer, I was prone to their influence. They LOVED Donny Osmond!
Donny and Marie came to Muskogee for a concert and Donny came out to front of the stage and started walking over the chairs shaking hands. My cousins and my sister rushed the stage and got caught in the crowd. Meanwhile Donny made his way around the crowd stepping over chairs and stepped in the chair right next to me, where my cousin Lisa was siting before she rushed the stage.
I shook his hand, took a picture and then gloated to my cousin that Donny had actually stood in HER chair!

Judge Reinhold came walking into the Schlotzsky's in Santa Fe and ordered "Lumberjack Stew".
"Judge, your order of Lumberjack Stew is ready!", was announced to his dismay over the intercom.
I still don't know what Lumberjack Stew is.

Jim Stafford's singer told the audience, "I saw a guy with some great legs somewhere over there and made them spotlight where I was sitting. (I was the youngest male in the audience so I guess her statement HAD to be true)
She walked over to me and took my hand and then made me sing part of Great Balls of Fire and then said "Show them what you can do!" and I danced with her. Then she sat me down and sang a love song to me and when it was over I thought about laying one on her right there on the stage.
My mom was in the audience and called her the Sultry Singer in the Green Dress. haha.

I was in a jazz band that played for Will Sampson's college reunion in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. We stood in a circle and talked with him for a long time.
A genuinely nice man.

In other news: My heart echocardiogram came back and the results showed NO MAJOR CHANGE, STILL STABLE, maybe even a slight improvement!
Thank you if you've been praying for me.
I think my family has noticed a change in my outlook on life recently.
########################################################

One of the books we had to read in high school was Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451.
This is a little known fact, but did you know that recently an early Bradbury manuscript was found entitled Gesundheit! 451?
It's based on the premise that if 451 people around the world sneeze at the same time weather patterns across the world will be affected.
Tsunami's, Tornado Alley, you get the idea.
Cool huh?
Sort of an early version of The Butterfly Effect.
That Bradbury is a genius.

An Uncle Joe Celebrity Quiz.

2008-04-30T07:44:00.001-05:00

I've met or seen very few famous people in my life. Here is a multiple choice quiz of actors or singers I've actually met or sighted.

I shook hands with this 70's teen hearthrob at a concert in the 80's.

Was it:

1) David Cassidy

2) Donny Osmond

3) Bobby Sherman

4)Shaun Cassidy

In 1986 I was in Sante Fe, New Mexico eating dinner with some relatives at a Schlotzsky's. What actor walked in the door and ordered the "Lumberjack Stew" and spent the evening nervously ignoring the stares while looking over a script?

1) Cheech Marin (Cheech and Chong)

2)Leslie Nielsen ( Airplane, Naked Gun)

3) Judge Reinhold ( Beverly Hills Cop, The Santa Clause)

4) Bill Murray (Ghostbusters, Stripes)

Also around 1987 I went to Branson, Missouri and was called up to the stage and made to sing and dance. What entertainer's female singer made them spotlight me and sang a love song to me?

1)Boxcar Willie

2)Jim Stafford

3)Ray Stevens

4) Roy Clark

In 1980 the NSU Jazz Band was asked to play for this Native American actors college reunion.

Was it:

1) Wes Studi (Geronimo)

2)Will Sampson ( One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Outlaw Josie Wales)

3) Jay Silverheels ( The Lone Ranger)

4) Graham Greene (Thunderheart)

The first person to guess all 4 completely will receive a copy of my autobiography:

The Story of Uncle Joe: Meanness Don't Happen Overnight.

Good luck!

Just call me Gus, I mean, Gil.

2008-04-28T12:33:00.008-05:00

When we arrived at the Jazz Stage, this man was apparently lying on the ground catching some rays taking a nap.

My Bat-sense (10 times stronger than Spidey-sense) was on high alert almost immediately.

Shortly thereafter I concluded that the poor man had died in the sun, in his sleep, at the park.

Sort of like Clue; Colonal Mustard, in the Library, with the Rope.

I quickly grabbed AJ's CSI bag and expertly drew a chalk-line in the grass, took pics with her Gil Grissom CSI Polaroid, and began swabbing his ears for DNA.

I assessed from the DNA results that Jazz had NOT killed this man.

AJ arrived on the scene soon after wearing tight jeans and a low cut blouse.

I lost consciousness right after that and woke up lying next to the victim with a large Turkey Leg in one hand, covered entirely in Kettle Corn.

In reality this guy lay there for almost two hours and when he woke up appeared to have maybe taken some sort of recreational drug.(Maybe it was a vendor bought huge Turkey leg).

He turned around and kept staring up into the sun with his eyes making weird faces.

*************************************************************************

A few stories you won't find in the Denton newspaper:

I noticed a sign across a huge parking lot in Denton that clearly said :

"Endurance Specialist". After cleaning my glasses for a clearer view, the sign actually read, "Insurance Specialist".

Same thing if you ask me.

I'm going to tell this story before AJ beats me to the punch.

We stopped on the road for AJ to get a coffee. While she was in the convenience store Terry called my cell phone. He was talking loud and I really couldn't understand him so, being my ususal goofy self, I picked up a styrofoam cup from the floorboard and popped a hole in the bottom of it and held it up to the phone and yelled through it. I'm a comedy genius.

Five miles down the road AJ's coffee was still too hot to drink so I came up with a brilliant plan.

I would pour some coffee into a smaller cup, thereby allowing it to cool faster for her.

Need I say more?

Way to go Batman!!!!!!

Blast from the past.

2008-04-24T21:26:00.007-05:00

We're going to be gone on a mini vacation for the weekend so I pulled the most embarassing moment of my life out of the archives.

Laugh with me or at me. It's okay. I can take it.

WARNING! If you don't like toilet humor then DO NOT PROCEED!

Consider yourself warned.

The problem may have well started when I ordered Stromboli after band practice Fri. night.

We are at Pizza Inn....."What would you like sir?""

I'll have the Stromboli..."

Blank stare.

Stromboleee..."

Smile. Quizzical look.

Blank Stare.

"SStrommmmbolleeee....."

Quizzical smile.

Non-recognition of verbal patterns coming from customer to waitress.

"I'll have the SStrommmbbolllayyyy...."

By now the chatter of my band/table mates had stopped.

What is he ordering?

Friend/bass player Bill and I are now experimenting with the various ways to say Stromboli.

Waitress: "I have never heard of that."

I open the menu and point and say "Ssstrommbboleeeee!

"Waitress: "Nobody's ever ordered that before.

That should have been my first clue.

I did indeed have a medium order of Stromboli of which I ate half of, the other half in a Go-Box for later Strombo-bobulating.

Next Morning....Cold Stromboli for breakfast..add one Cinnabon 15 minutes later.

This is when the Dark Side began to take over my innards, soon to begin it's quest for domination of the Force and all who consider it holy.

First came a belch....... Then another belch...and another and (you get the picture).

My family says, "Gawwwwd!, who farted?"

Says I proudly, "That was no fart, that was a belch!"

"Stay away from me!" ........"Okay, no problem."

Cut to: Five hours of belching, take my Nexium, realize that at any moment this thing could reverse itself as my lower abdomen begins rumbling and cramping.

Time to load up to play at the aforementioned benefit for Brother Tod.

On the ride over I warn Bill and Laurie that there could be trouble as I have this intestinal problem that won't go away.

The windows are soon lowered with cries for help coming from the front and back seat.

Arrive at the Civic Center and unload and begin to set up the sound system, with a warning: "I'm having aproblem, so if I tell you not to walk over here or there you'd best listen to me"

My Christian brothers and sisters happily oblige my request.

I'm desperately waiting for this to conclude itself with a well timed trip to the restroom.

After setting up the sound system, tuning instruments and generally bouncing off the wall for over an hour I make the announcement:

"I'm going to the bathroom, wish me well."

The first thing I notice in the bathroom is a pile of clothes, a tube of glue on the counter and some clothes in the floor and then black boots and red pants attached to a man pacing back and forth in front of a 30 foot mirror.

I say, "Hey."

He says, " ................?"

I pick my stall and say a small prayer that all will be well.

All is not well as the 4Th of July in December in stall #1 at the Civic Center, in the second floor men's bathroom, commences.

Sounds and squeals never before heard from this man's ears are richocheting off the stall door and bouncing off the walls of the restroom.

I never studied Commode Physics but I have learned that a commode does indeed make a fine echo chamber and has nary a conscience in buffeting the human condition of food poisoning.

Belches followed wind for at least ten minutes, intermingled only by my laughing at the pure silliness of the situation.

After making the strategic battle decision that all is as well as can be for this moment I once again say a prayer that I can make it through our performance without embarassing myself or literally making my bandmates sick.

So I open the stall door and there stands; Kris Kringle.

Yes the one and only Santa himself. PaPa Gigio. The betrayer of my youth.

The no horse bringing ( Christmas 1968) cookie eatin' fatman.

Santa is looking at himself in the mirror.

Slowly his head turns to see the tortured soul in Stall#1 coming out, head down, eyes half closed praying, "Please don't look Santa, please don't look Santa..."

But Santa did look.

Santa watched me wash my hands and straighten my shirt.

Santa watched me stumble out the door.

Santa did not ask me what I wanted for Christmas.

Did not ask me if I'd been a good boy.

Santa did not offer his sure expertise on the hazards of leftovers or Sssstrrrommmbollleeee from Pizza Inn.

I don't know what to think of Santa anymore.

ps. (Added Sunday night)All's well that ends well.
Posted by Uncle Joe at 12/11/2005 01:00:00 PM

Random news and a little ditty.

2008-04-23T08:17:00.010-05:00

Here is a link to a vote more important than the Pennsylvania Primary.

Every vote counts.

It's great to be an American, is it not?

In other news I had an echocardiagram yesterday. Stand by for results.

I think the ladies who did the echo found something different as they were less talkative than usual.

I can't believe summer is almost upon us. Just me and the kids. Just the kids and me.

Daddy can we go the Disneyworld?????

Daddy can we go on a cruise?????

Can we go see the Jonas Brothers in Europe??????

How come we can't go to Europe? So and so is getting to go to Europe and live with the Jonas Brothers for 3 weeks!!!!!!

Daddy, I'm not having funnnnnnnn!!!!!

Daddy can we stand on our head on top of the house and then swan dive into the kiddy pool?

Daddy!!!!Red rover, red rover, can ALL my friends come over for a sleepover?

Daddy can we?

Daddy can we?

Daaaadddddddddyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

Thanks to David McMahon for the new blog traffic and friends.

I wrote this little ditty in response to one of his rhymes.

My great old aunt, prefers not, the work of a surrealist.
She simply states "Most certainly, I prefer forrealist"
She tried to skitter past the art with appreciation feigning.
But Dali, reaching out, pulled her inside the painting.
We've neither seen nor spoke of her ever since, yet sometimes walking past,
Inside the painting we often hear, "Quit pulling my mustache!"

Oklahoma's Governor supports Barama.
( haha did you notice I wrote Barama? who is Barama? I was half asleep when I wrote that this morning)

Have a beautiful day blogger friends and readers who don't comment but should!

From Ray Charles to Elijah.

2008-04-21T23:52:00.005-05:00

Last Sunday I got an emergency phone call from Shannon.
Shannon is the "Beale St. meets Jesus" singer from our now defunct (defunked?) band.
She had been asked at the last minute to sing a special for the evening service at church.
What most of you probably don't know is that I haven't played piano in over six months. The band broke up and my energy level told me to give it a break for a while. I took a 6 month break.
A 6 month break for me meant that piano never crossed my mind.
I immediately told her I hadn't played in 6 months and she was really taking a chance in asking me.
I said yes, knowing that if it sounded REALLY bad I could change my mind.

She came over for a 2 hour practice in which I struggled and wore myself out.
I finally agreed hoping for a last minute miracle.

Here is what happened.

We walked to the front together and I said something stupid like:
"For those of you who haven't heard me before I DO apologize for what's about to happen".

Then I play a D flat chord.
The song is in E flat.
I looked down at the piano with a strange look on my face and look up at Shan who is smiling sheepishly.
I proceed to play the intro to the song which does NOT have anything to do with the song we practiced.
I looked up at Shan fully knowing she did not know what I was playing, so I start humming softly the melody until she figures out what I'm trying to do.
She makes it through two lines of the song and then whispers "Here, you sing for a while....."
I didn't even have time to think..."What??????"

So I bravely start singing my version of "Precious Lord".
Did I mention that I haven't sung in 6 months either?

I close my eyes and do Ray Charles justice. The train's finally taking off and you'd better jump on if you're coming with me. hahaha.
Shannon caught on somewhere in the middle and really belts it out.
I'm still sort of shocked that I had to sing,and I don't know if I'm supposed to stop or keep singing, so I keep singing.
I think we were singing the same song.

When I looked up the congregation had left.
Just kidding.
We got the obligatory hand clap and then I lost consciousness as I had to walk back and sit by my wife. I really have no memory of that.
One minute I'm at the piano and then like Elijah I'm whisked away.

AJ said I didn't really STINK it up, just sort of messed it up.
Poor Shannon.
Somehow I don't believe I'm going to be on Shannon's 911 list anymore.

(ps. Shannon is a local police officer)

pss. Comedy in Church can be a good thing.

When a man was a man.

2008-04-20T11:21:00.008-05:00

I've been wondering for a while about mustaches.
Not only do I finally come out of the INFJ closet. I also must confess here that I have the "M" word attached to my upper lip.
Does that make you think I'm a wife beater? The only thing I beat are eggs.
I do beat the wifey in the occasional Scrabble match and often to the remote, but those occasions are few.

I found this interesting website and their Mission Statement:

Bias comes in many forms. And the end of the 1970s marked a significant turn - and began a dark period - of discrimination against mustached Americans.
While until then it was fashionable to wear a mustache, virtually overnight, it became a fad reserved for the likes of law enforcement, steel workers, motor cross drivers, and members of the Village People.
Enter the American Mustache Institute (AMI) - based in St. Louis as the city is home to the world's largest mustache - the St. Louis Arch. AMI is an advocacy organization protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache.
AMI continues to battle negative stereotyping that has accompanied the mustache since those glory years of the 1970s - the peak of mustache acceptance - fighting to create a climate of acceptance, understanding, flavor saving, and upper lip warmth for all mustached Americans alike.

FINALLY! Someone fighting for a worthy cause!

I know the reasons (plural!) that I have a mustache.
(1) My dad has one.
(2) I look like a DOOFUS without one.
(3) Believe it or not I am taken more serious with a mustache. (Every time I"ve shaved it folks have commented that I look ten years younger. I don't want to look ten years younger.)
(4) My dad AND Phil Keaggy have one.
(5) I have no hair on my head. My mustache balances my face out and draws attention to my amazingly SEXY eyes and lips.
(6) My mustache makes me believe I have SEXY eyes and lips.
(7) My mustache catches falling objects thereby saving the planet.
(8) When I want to appear VERY INTELLIGENT, I turn my gaze downward and stroke my mustache. It adds 25 IQ points. Added eyebrow raise and lowering add 5 more points.
(9) In this Politically Correct Driven World the mustache has been oustered, ridiculed and scorned. I say stop being politically correct and let your inner mustache come out. Yes, ladies too!
(10) MY DAD HAS ONE. My Dad was a Marine. Simper Fi.

I submit to you that when you see a man with a mustache (In Oklahoma, anyway) you are seeing a real man. Not afraid to show the world who and what he is.
He will be sound of mind, wise, and intelligent. He will not be afraid to challenge the status quo. He will be tough when he has to be tough and tender when tenderness calls.
He may not have had an easy life, but he will be the REAL DEAL.

Ask your husband to go ahead and grow one. Just for you. Tell him you LOVE rebels. It will be worth it.

UncleJoeoverandout.

ps. Mustache + Mullet = Mo Ron. You'd better Mo Run.

Hi, My name is Uncle Joe and I am an INFJ.

2008-04-17T23:48:00.009-05:00

I took a personality profile test thingy over at Groovy Mom's a week or so ago.

Here's the LINK to the test. personalitypage.com is a good place to start reading about yourself.

I didn't expect much because in the past personality tests have seemed a bit ambiguous. I could have fallen into any category on any given day.
But this test astounded me. It is so ridiculously accurate that it is scary.

Had I known this about myself 20 or 30 years ago I could have saved myself a lot of agony.
I've always known I was different than most folks, and the test confirmed my hunch.
I am an INFJ. Introverted Intuition Feeling Judging.
INFJ's make up 1% of the population.
Male INFJ's are even rarer.
I've always felt like nobody ever completely understood me. I didn't even understand myself and my strange ways:

I've always taken things into my brain by intuition. I've known things before hand that I really shouldn't have known.
I've had intuition over the years of coming deaths. Their name will suddenly loom in my mind, weeks or months ahead.
After talking to a specific person I had the thought "He's going to be dead within 5 years. He died 3 years later.
That's scary and I don't really like when it happens but I've grown accustomed to it.
I've had intuition of meeting people before I do. I knew beforehand that I was going to be acquainted with one of our blogger friends who lives hundreds of miles away. The intuition came in a very strong way.
I knew I was going to meet someone important before I walked into a friends house and met my future wife.
Here is a new one my wife doesn't even know about.
When I was working in a grocery store after quitting college I was facing the shelves and came upon a package of Cain's Coffee. While pulling all the product to the front this 'thought' came to me, "You will work for this company when you are in your forties".
I was 26 at the time so I dismissed the thought and forgot about it. When I walked in the building for an interview the memory came back.
How did the memory come back?
INFJ's often have oceanic memories. A word or picture can often cause a memory link that runs deep. Looking through a yearbook can cause havoc.
When I'm trying to sleep at night this "gift" works against me. I can float back and forth over the years remembering things and even whole conversations.

It's after midnight and my intuition is telling me to "Go to bed".
See what I mean? It's uncanny.

More on this later.
UncleJoeoverandout.
************************************************************************

Miracle in my backyard.

2008-04-17T09:01:00.002-05:00

A miracle so small I could barely see it.

One honeybee pollinating a brussel sprout plant that survived the winter.

I shouted Hallelujah and immediately repented for all the honeybees I've squashed with my big feet over the years.

(Honeybee shown above is not actual honeybee from backyard nor is it shown actual size. Had it been actual size I would have run from the backyard screaming like a sissy boy.....ummmm, I mean like Batman chasing The Riddler)

Going, going.................

2008-04-15T08:24:00.003-05:00

I don't even have one of these babies in my wallet.

Could someone send me a fiver so I can drive 17 miles in my big truck?

She opened her mind and her brains fell out.

2008-04-06T01:10:00.003-05:00

Bad Greeting Card

2008-03-31T08:28:00.001-05:00

Honey,
I DON'T CARE WHAT 'THEY' SAY ABOUT YOU.
I THINK YOU'RE A VERY SWEET PERSON.

LOVE,

Thoity Years.

2008-03-25T23:05:00.003-05:00

I just returned from a meeting for my 30 year reunion.

Since I have nothing to do I've been helping find 'lost' classmates.

Seems I was the only one with the brains to think of going to classmates.com for clues.

I have changed a lot physically since high school. No longer weigh 140 nor have the football helmet hair.

I have no hair at all actually.

Why did I put myself through the torture of meeting with a bunch of ladies (I use that term loosely) who are still as stuck-up and self-absorbed as they were in school?

The guys that have been helping didn't show up tonight, so it was me and some members of a former 'girl club' from school.

Something like Decca, or Gunaike, or Nike, or Future Airheads of America.

After their 'ten minutes of astonishment that I didn't look like my graduation picture anymore I wanted to stand up and shout:

"You all look like GRANDMA'S!!!!!"

Then I realized they were grandma's.

Hahahahaha.

Then after listening to them gossip for ten minutes about classmates, I wanted to yell:

"You all LOOK LIKE GREAT GRANDMA'S!!!! At least I've always had MANNERS!!!
But I didn't.

I kept my cool and tried to make them laugh.

Now we're bestest of friends and I can't wait to spend two whole days with them at MY reunion.

What's the Message?

2008-03-19T00:39:00.002-05:00

Let's say we COULD march to Washington D.C. before or after the election.

What would you say to the President or Uncle Sam?

What clear, concise message could we convey that would make it absolutely clear WHAT needs to be changed?

Presidential Pastor?

2008-03-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

Read the story at this linky winky dinky .

Then comment and begin the gathering of the marchers.

The candidate says he doesn't agree with this specific message.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Let's March People!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-14T08:28:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't read the last post you don't really need to.
Here it is in a nutshell:

Let's All March (or drive) to Washington D.C. sometime before the election and demand OUR country back.

I"m putting Jamie Dawn in charge of Hickville.
Emma will fire up the Northwest quadrant.
Emma is also in charge of appointing a delegates for California, the Sunshine State.
Saur has South and East of Hickville. Florida will no doubt need extra workers whom she may appoint as needed.
AJ and I will take Oklahoma and the Southwest with Bryan's help.
Seeker is in charge of Illinois and Midwest.
R and her husband the Professor will spearhead the East Coast.
Jenn will be Special Operations for All Starbucks locations and can appoint Special Starbucks Agents at will.
Anne is Homeschool Mom's Taking Back America grassroot enforcer.
Cooking with Anne is Special Caterer in Charge of all Marchers who will delegate the feeding of all marchers. Put Bobby Flay to work. He's making too many cooking shows.

Does anybody really want Texas? I mean after all they claim to be a Whole Other Country or such nonsense.
You may at any time appoint another Blogger to help us Take our Country Back for any area of the country that needs it.

Let's go to work!!!!

Uncle Joe wants YOU!!!!

Duh. A note to ME.

2008-03-12T15:42:00.001-05:00

Most of you know of the challenges I've/we've faced in the past few years.
Heart, physical and mental health, monetary etc.
I've tried to pay closer attention to issues that affect the family that also have a direct connection to the nation as a whole.
Doesn't it make sense that decisions I make on a personal level will, in the end, have an effect on the nation?
Yeah, I'm a pretty big deal. A legend in my spare time.
Somedays I'm in a pretty dense fog but somedays I'm wide awake.

Seriously, if I choose to rack up 5 credit cards to the tune of (let's think small for this example) $10,000 each and there are 6 million people just like me in the U.S. than I have played a huge part in the financial well being of this country.
If I choose to ignore bills until they are turned over to collections or have 'past due' amounts attached to them then I am not a good manager of what God has given me.
I've noticed something lately which most of you surely already know.
If I decide to cook with fresh ingredients at home 95% of the time, there will be a negative effect on the cost of running this household.
The water and heating or electric will go up substantially.
Fresh foods require serious time management to ensure against loss.
The loss can be substantial because 'fresh' these days means $$$$$.
There is actually LESS trash for the garbageman to pick up because there are less processed foods in our freezer or pantry. But the garbage bill is still there. The electricity is paying for the cooling of the fresh not frozen items. The freezer cost is still there. The water bill goes up drastically because the diswasher must run sometimes twice a day.
I don't really have the energy to wash everything by hand.
The gas bill goes up because fresh cooking requires more gas.

I'm working harder but is it really cost efficient? Here is probably where, just as in politics you will have two points of view.
One is hang the cost, you are eating better.
Two is we must save MONEY. It's all about the MONEY.
There may be a 3,4, and 5.
I accidentally leave the gas on for two hours after the meal I am wasting our hard earned money.
If I let the faucet leak for three months then I am wasting our hard earned money. My inaction is not cost effective.

If I make a mistake on my checkbook (everybody has, I'm not pointing fingers!) and have to pay for bank overdrafts then I have lost part of the daily battle and the bank has gotten 'free' money just because I didn't take the time to add/subtract correctly.
If I am making these seemingly small mistakes then our government is making WHOPPERS.
Running a great household evidently means I MUST pay extreme attention to every little detail.
Running a great country should mean US setting an example for them (Washington) to follow.
If they don't follow it we should all converge on Washington and politely convince them exactly who is in charge here.

How can we convince folks who just don't care anymore to start caring and be responsible for themselves and STOP pointing fingers at everybody else for the State of the Union?
I don't know unless we do the march mention above. Somebody please tell me.

This could go on and on but my point to ME is this.
I am responsible to run my household according to values that will make my household prosper.

The government should be required to do the same.
What's going on and has been for years in Washington is in effect OUR fault for letting it happen.
If we make the change here at home then I predict in some insane way that in 20 years or less this will once again be a great country.

Am I a Democrat or Republican, or just a GREAT AMERICAN?

hahaha.
I'm just Uncle Joe and Uncle Joe Wants YOU!!!!!!!!!!

A one question quiz.

2008-03-10T15:39:00.001-05:00

Before you read this please note that I am not necessarily a Bush nor Clinton devotee.
Both have done some great and not so great things.
I am however pro-Truth.
If this is NOT the truth, please let me know and I will take it off asap.

Here is an interesting question for taxpayers I received from a friend of mine who is an ex IRS employee.

Were taxes higher (for the little people) under Bill Clinton 1999 or George Bush 2008?

Think about it and scroll down a bit for the answer.

All those so fervently wishing for "change" might want to review their priorities….
After watching a focus group of democrats that watched the democratic debate the other day in Vegas, I needed to comment. For the most part, all of them bashed Bush over and over again on how he is out for his millionaire friends and the big oil companies and he has totally forgotten or disregarded the little guy. So being an ex-IRS employee, I decided to look back on the tax tables to see if there is any truth to what they said and the media keeps stating as fact, “Bush is only out for the rich in this country. Based on using the actual tax tables (see link below), here are some examples on what the taxes were/are on various amounts of income for both singles and married couples… so let’s see if the Bush tax cuts only helped the rich. http://www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/151.html
Taxes under Clinton 1999 .............. under Bush 2008
Single making 30K - tax $8,400 ...... ..... tax $4.500
Single making 50K - tax 14,000........... tax $12,5000
Single making 75K - tax 23,250........... tax $18,750
Married making 60K - tax 16,800........... tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax 21,000 ...... ..... tax $18,750
Married making 125 K tax $38,750 ........... tax $31,250

If you want to know just how effective the mainstream media is, it is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above think Bush is hurting them and Bill Clinton was the greatest President ever. If any democrat is elected, all of them say they will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the people that fall into the categories above can’t wait for it to happen. This is like the movie the Sting with Paul Newman, you scam somebody out of some money and they don’t even know what happened. Now this is effective (maybe not honest) marketing or maybe a better description might be brain washing.

Dad's got it going on!

2008-03-06T00:10:00.002-06:00

I make breakfast for CassiJo on most mornings.
It's a game with a fine line. I have to use psychology sometimes to get her to eat something healthy.
The other day she kept refusing "oaties", but when I added "hot chocolate" to the menu she offered a resounding YES with added head nod.

I sat the oatmeal in front of her within 3 minutes (yes, microwaved).
Although there is some question as to who makes the best oaties in the house the timing of setting the bowl in front of her caused this reacton:

GOODNESS dad, you're already done making the oaties?

Yes, honey. Dad's got it going on!

She looked up at me and then down at the perfectly microwaved bowl of oaties.

Mom doesn't have it going on!

She realized she may have said something unforgivable against the MOMMY and soon added:
I think both mom and you are the best cooks in the house. Both of You.

I can accept that.

The Jokes on me and K-Fed.

2008-02-26T08:22:00.000-06:00

Somebody from this guys show owes me some money or at least some props.

I remember noticing in 2006 or early 2007 that my site meter showed somebody from ABC was reading my blog.
My imagination led me to believe that finally I was being recognized as the "comedic genius" that only AJ and my family and a few blog readers have come to know that I am.
I am surely a LEGEND IN MY OWN MIND.
A few weeks ago the infallible site meter showed a few hits for "Ford Federline".

I remember making that up in a post entitled 2007 Car Models We'd Hate to See.
The Google search led to a page which somewhere near the bottom quoted Jimmy Kimmel.

Go ahead. Google "Ford Federline".
You know you want to.

(the second google "hit" has the Kimmel quote)

America needs you, Pat Paulsen.

2008-02-21T09:07:00.000-06:00

Who are you going to vote for in the Presidential race?

Tell me something about your candidate that I don't know.

I'm way mixed up this year.

In case YOU ever wondered....(.again)

2008-02-17T11:52:00.000-06:00

In case you ever wondered:
If you didn't sleep so great and you weren't sure if you were ever asleep or maybe in suspended animation or a light coma and you woke up to a quiet house and you considered the Rapture had come and gone and left you and you stumbled to the sink to wash your eyes with warm not cold water cause it's winter outside and the cold water will make you time travel into next week and you look down while the water is warming up and you notice somebody has left gobs of toothpaste splattered all over the sink so you absentmindedly clean the toothpaste off with your fingers while the water is still warming up and then when the water is warm you collect in your palm warm water and then rub the warm water into your eyes;
YOUR EYES WILL BURN PROFUSELY!

BUT THEY WILL BE MINTY FRESH!

IN CASE YOU EVER WONDERED.
(brought to you by Mint Flavored Crest)

In case you ever wondered.........

2008-02-12T21:59:00.000-06:00

In case you ever wondered: If you come home feeling really tired and just want to lay on the couch and take off your glasses and rub your eyes with your hands and maybe start whistling a silly little tune still with your eyes closed your silly collie dog will come running into the room and stick her nose in your whistling mouth and then lick your face.

In case you ever wondered.

Our street light went out.

2008-02-07T21:35:00.000-06:00

Did You Ever Know That You're My Zero?

2008-02-01T11:02:00.001-06:00

When's the last time you had a Zero Candy Bar?

Well that's too long.

QANDA

2008-01-28T17:32:00.000-06:00

Q-Dad, why do you make those strange faces when you play the guitar. Why do your lips move weird like that?
A- Because honey, your dad is a musical genius and music pours out of his face and lips when he plays guitar. It's not necessarily a pretty thing.

I was making a sandwich yesterday: Two pieces of bread, cheese, deli sliced turkey, mayo (instead of my usual mustard), no pickles so used dill pickle relish.
Q- Why does my sandwich have a very strong "tartar sauce" influence?
A-Duh.

Here's the restofumthatIfound................

2008-01-25T16:19:00.000-06:00

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highlysuperfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical wordshowever should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.And the last one...
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Rules for Blogging and Good Sentence writin' and how to share ideals and stuff.

2008-01-22T19:13:00.000-06:00

Some of you have have been making a few too many error!
To improve this I am now using a new set of rules for editing.
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.

More bloggin' sentence writin' and general communication next time.

CSI Las Vegas Tidbits of Wisdom #2

2008-01-21T16:26:00.000-06:00

Here is the cast of the show CSI.

AJ loves this show. I've never really watched a complete episode until a few weeks ago.

The "Murder/DNA Mystery Solved in an Hour" has turned me off a bit. But then after watching a DVR'd episode with AJ the other night I discovered a truth.

This is a truth revealing comedy!

Neatly or not-so-neatly buried in each and every show are life-truths that make me laugh out loud.

These are so funny to me that I will now quote randomly at any given time these life truths when they do/don't concern the situation at hand.

They will make good fodder for serious conversations w/serious family or friends, when said with a deadpan face in response to their deadpan conversation.

I hope you will quote these at my funeral some day.

Tidbit of Wisdom #2

It's over........We might as well eat some bread and bang a metal cup against the bars.........It's OVER.

Point made. Finality Confirmed.

Happy Birthday Slim Whitman!

2008-01-20T23:43:00.000-06:00

Can you believe it?

Seriously, Slim Whitman is 84 today!

Who knew?

Who knew my only commentor would actually "know" Slim Whitman?

Here is a link if you want to know more about Slim.

He's lived an interesting life.

Cookies.

2008-01-20T11:36:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had ONE day, one day out of a thousand...nevermind.

Have you ever made ONE click on your email, one click out of a thousand that put your email life and ability to manage all the SPAM into a constant state of chaos. I mean, I know my cookies are darn-tootin' good tastin' and all but for pete's sake, my life will never be the same.

I've been suffering the consequences of that ONE ill -timed click to see what the message actually was and evidently I shall now forever pay.

In trying to unsubscribe to the e(vil)mail I was met with this message. Unsubscribing may take up to 6 weeks.

In the meantime I've been barraged with other companies' mass e-mail campaigns of which I have to "unsubscribe" to one at a time.

The Kicker:

This actually just happened. While unsubscribing to a credit card email and hitting the exit button a small window popped up that said "Wait!"

"Live Chat"

A spammer was trying to 'chat' with me. A real live 'spammer'.

I don't know what to say.

Good teachers, GREAT students, BAD drivers and a CAN!.

2008-01-18T09:35:00.000-06:00

Here is a link to a news story about some teachers who are doing things right.
Ft. Gibson ELC. This happens to be CassiJo's school.
Congratulations to the students also, for working hard.

Speaking of the ELC at FG. Why in blue blazes do I have to triple check left and right to make sure the speeding van/car/truck/Tanksized SUV most often driven by a lady that just pulled into the busy parking by the school is NOT going to run over me and my child as we try to walk across the parking lot.
Batman's going to open up a big can of you know what one of these days.

CSI-Las Vegas: Tidbits of Wisdom.

2008-01-15T20:00:00.000-06:00

(I guess I should explain what this is. This is an excerpt from from the dialogue of an Episode of CSI:Las Vegas. It sort of makes sense in context of the shows theme, but taken out of context it appears to be plain silly. In context it is also pretty silly. In this specific episode Grissom was questioning a mime about the disappearance of a clown and this is the mime's response. In other words clowns and mimes DON'T hang out together.)

"You put a clown and a mime together in the same room; it's just the same as a cobra and a mongoose. "

For pete's sake, can't we all get along?

Darn right My hearts not in it!

2008-01-13T19:56:00.000-06:00

Ummmmmmmm....thith actually never happened. Ok? I've really got to talk to my writers.

The Long and winding road that leads to Peggs.

2008-01-08T09:02:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had one of those days? One day out of maybe 1000?
Oh wait, please go back and read my last post. Read it with all the deep emotion I meant to write it with..................................................................................
Thank you for coming back.
The irony of this borderlines on ridiculous. Impossible. Twilight Zone stuff.

I was invited to go to Peggs, Oklahoma with my friend the Big Kahuna to watch the Nat'l Championship Football Game. Food, fellowship, football. Kahuna's brother in law Jarrod and wife Jerri
eagerly anticipated our arrival.
Peggs is 15 miles north of Tahlequah, which is 15 miles northeast of our home.

When we left our house we noticed lightning in the distance. Normally keenly aware of weather conditions, Kahuna this night was more concerned with food, as was I. Lightning in the distance viewable out of every window in Kahuna's Toyota Scion. The Box. We are riding in a box.
After stopping off at the local Tahlequah supermaket for Dt. Pepsi we notice the lightning is more intense everywhere. We are thinking FOOD, FOOTBALL, not weather. For pete's sake, this is January.
Two minutes later down the road, Kahuna's wife calls and tell him, "Turn around, there is a tornado north of Tahlequah.
As the rain begins, we look at each other and say "Tornado?" Where? This is January!
I try to call AJ on the cell but there is no signal. All I can do is look at her picture on the phone and yell "Ive got to call my wife and tell her I love her!!!!!" Kahuna laughs so hard he swerves into the next lane.
Fear or adrenaline keeps Kahuna driving. Surrounded by lightning that is dangerously close.
Two miles down the road all hail breaks loose. Large, round, bouncy hail. Pelleting the car and windows. The road begins to curve. Ice on the road. Two maybe three inches thick. We slide, straighten, and consider getting right with God. After all, I am Jonah. Kahunah has every right to throw me out. 70 degrees outside and thick sheets of ice on the road? What the?
Electricity is out at a store and then we see a car in a ditch and then a row of electric poles bending over or snapped in half. Debris everywhere, raining hard.
I look down at my clothes. I'm wearing shorts, tennis shoes, and a tshirt.
What kind of idiot am I?
I believe I will start drinking whiskey. This very night. Give it to me now.

20 minutes later we pulled into Jarrod's driveway road weary and full of adrenaline when a storm delayed text from Jarrod came on Kahuna's cellphone.
"Tornado directly over your head!"

"You know man, if we were cool we would walk in his house like nothing ever happened!"
He looks at me wide-eyed and says, "No man, that's not gonna happen...."

Uncle Joe needs sixty days of Sun in a row..........Please...I beg of you..

Nothin' But Blue Skies.

2008-01-06T23:41:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had 1 day in the middle of a normal chaotic week that everything went just right?
If you are living with a sickness or disability of some sort than maybe you can appreciate a day like this just a little bit more.
One of the best/worst things about living in Oklahoma is the weather.

Those suffering from seasonal depression will understand, straight to the point, what I'm referring to.
I didn't fully understand it until today.

The perfect day. The first perfect day of the year.

Seventy degrees, sunshine in winter (for me) = Lots of energy, a clear mind, love for mankind, inlaws, bylaws and outlaws.

I've semi-joked for years that I'm moving to Fla, Calif, Mexico, etc. for the winter. Now, I'm serious.
If you live somewhere where the sun is shining and will continue to shine for the next 8 weeks, then I want to move in with you and be your houseboy.
I will cook and clean and we can watch Batman reruns, the Foodnetwork, old movies and I will be YOUR biggest cheerleader.
You can't beat a deal like I'm offering you.
My family will just have to get over dad not being around for a few weeks.
We all have to make sacrifices from time to time.

Who will step up to the plate and offer Uncle Joe 60 perfect days in a row?

(This message has been brought to you by Uncle Joe/ 60 Days in a Row Inc)

Bones and Mortgages.

2007-12-31T10:23:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: This IS NOT my dog.

But let's pretend it's my dog.

You remember a few posts back when Shelby actually talked to me and explained the dog year/people year ratio?

This conversation happened late last night as I was dozing on the couch.

Shelby: Hey!!!!!!!!!

Me: ZZZMMMHhhmmm?

Shelby: I've got a BONE!!!! Let's play!!!!!!!

Me:mmmmmmmmm?

Shelby: BONE!!PLAY!!!!!!TUGOFWAR!!!!!!

I drift slowly from dreamworld to realworld.

Shelby: BONETUGOFWAR!!!

Me: Shel....b...I'm tired...

Shelby:PLAY!!!!!!!!

Shelby: I've got a BONE!!!

Me: I've got a MORTGAGE!!!!

Shelby: Ive got a BONE!!

Me: I've got a bad back.

Shelby: I've got a BONE!!!

Me: I've got high blood pressure.

Shelby: BOOOOOOOOONNNEEE!!!

Me: BADHEEEEAAAAAAART!!!!!!!!

She drops the bone and looks at me with those doggone puppy dog eyes.

Such expectation and joy over such a simple thing.

Life shouldn't be as difficult as we make it sometimes.

Joy should come in having exactly what we need, not what we want.

Shelby: Tugofwar?????

Me: TUGGGGOFFFFWAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Caught in the act..

2007-12-23T11:25:00.000-06:00

Last minute shopping for a tired Bat.

Bigger Picture.

2007-12-21T10:35:00.001-06:00

Here is the only other picture I could find of our dog. The dog is on the right.
I don't know what that other animal is. Could it be a unicorn?

Dog Day Morningandnoon.

2007-12-19T13:33:00.000-06:00

Here is a pic of the new girl in our house. Shelbyjo. We've had her 4 months now.

She is an inside/outside dog. Probably inside a bit too much for AJ. After considering the state of the house before and after Shelby I can see why AJ feels as she does. I found her on the internet located at an adoption center about 45 miles from our house. The girls fell in love with her at first sight.

The hour long ride home was filled with fluffy new dog thoughts about what fun and joy she would bring to the family.The fun and joy have been interspersed with lots of chewed up toys, pencils, "Why did you leave your stuffed animal lying where she could get to it moments".

Since I'm home with her most days I think I've finally begun to have sort of a "Canine 6th sense", that has helped me understand Shelby and what she feels.

Here is an example of a conversation we had just the other day?

I've just arrived back home after being gone running errands for about 30 minutes:

Shelby: rrrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrrrww. ('bout time you got home!)

Me: Hey Girl! Did you miss me?

Shelby: rrRRRRRRW!!! (what do you think?)

I walk quickly past her to put down the bags I'm holding.

Shelby: RRRRrrrrrrww! (What do you think you're doing? I said I missed you!)

I walk over to the coffee pot to see if there's any more coffee.

Shelby: RRRRRRRWWWWWW! (You've been gone a WAY long time!!!!!)

Me: I know girl, it seems like you haven't seen me all day, but I've only been gone for 30 minutes, okay?, just give me a minute and I'll sit on the couch and we can play.

Shelby:RRrrRRRrrRRrrWW!! ( You have been gone ALL day!!!)

Me: How can you say that to me?

I walk past her to check for phone messages, open the fridge for its hourly inspection tho' I'm not even hungry.

Shelby stretches, yawns, whimpers and reaches with her front paws up to my hip and whimpers.. "rrrrrrummm" (come to the couch and let me explain something to you)

We meet up on the couch and I am quickly covered in doggy sugar.

Shelby: r r r r RRR rrrr mmm ffwwwmmm R" (I live in the DOGWORLD. Not the people world...)

More sugar and nose sniffs to find out exactly where I was those LONG 30 minutes.

Shelby: RRRRRRf? (McGriddle AND COFFEE?)

Me: Shelby, I was only gone 30 minutes. I was hungry.

Shelby: RRRRRwwwMMMWWWRRRwwwwwwRfRf. ( Let me explain something to you Mr. Master, IN DOG YEARS YOU WERE GONE ALLLLLL DAY!!!!!!

There you have it.

Here comes the Judge!!!

2007-12-08T17:13:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of the judge at my disability hearing.

Ask AJ. I had to answer yes or no questions and didn't know which eye to look at.

Fortunately for me, he was a very smart puddytat.

Now onto something of a more serious nature.

Blogging has changed a bit since my sab-Bat-ical. The technology and things a person can do has quadrupled. I can't even remember how to post a link. Technology has quadrupled and my brain cells have dequantified. They have systematically, ptomelogically, unedefied. In an extremely contracursorful way.

There seems to be no more flow. Just a flowdown. What's a Joe to do?

I'm doing all the right things, like: napping 2 to 4 hours a day, intermingled with 2 or 3 hours of great direct TV. I seem to have it all. Is it all for naught?

That reminds me: when a company I worked for closed it's doors in 1984, I went around asking anybody who would listen: "Was it all for naught? Was it all for naught?"

Half of the people knew I was joking and the other half, well lets just say they're probably still awakened in the middle of the night with my words reverberating through their noggins.

Apparently it was all for naught. Just naught right now.

My brain hurts. See you in the funny papers.

Uncle Joe

The sign of the Bat and ??????

2007-12-03T15:51:00.000-06:00

Okay folks, here is the proof we have all been looking for.

During a recent head shaving this peculiar little item showed up on my skull. I don't know why I've never noticed it before.

The problem is it seems to be growing. With every full moon.
(Insert full moon jokes here).

In other news Osama Bin Laden has been spotted incognito.
Good try Osama, but we're on to you and you're not even funny.

You're a disgrace to the cowl.